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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work after leaving college in 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work after leaving college in 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The chart illustrates what UK
graduate
Use synonyms
 and postgraduate
students
Use synonyms
 who did not go into
full time
Add a hyphen
full-time
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job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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 did after leaving college
during
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2008. Job perspectives
divided
Add a missing verb
were divided
show examples
 into four fields which were described number of
students
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, among
graduate
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 and postgraduate
students
Use synonyms
, there was a tendency
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 increase in
further
Linking Words
 study section and they were likely to attend the least in voluntary
work
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. Part-time
work
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 and unemployment
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
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 had much more
differency
Correct your spelling
difference
.
In the
Change preposition
The
show examples
 first chart,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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showed
graduate
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students
Use synonyms
’ research in 2008,
further
Linking Words
 study was the highest compared to others which was 29665 and the voluntary
work
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bottomed-out
Correct your spelling
bottomed out
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 at 3500. Unemployment and part-time
work
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 were in parallel at 16235 and 17735 respectively.
Finally
Linking Words
, in the second chart, postgraduate
students
Use synonyms
 tended to do
further
Linking Words
 study and part-time
work
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 which differed from
graduate
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students
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 at 2725 and 2535. The lowest was voluntary
work
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 at the rate of 345
students
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 and
unemployment
Correct article usage
the unemployment
show examples
students
Use synonyms
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 1625.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "further".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 69%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words graduate, students, work with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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