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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The chart below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work after leaving college in 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work after leaving college in 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #uk #graduate #students #work #college #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The chart illustrates what UK
graduate
 and postgraduate
students
 who did not go into
full time
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 did after leaving college
during
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2008. Job perspectives
divided
Add a missing verb
were divided
show examples
 into four fields which were described number of
students
.
Overall
, among
graduate
 and postgraduate
students
, there was a tendency
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 increase in
further
 study section and they were likely to attend the least in voluntary
work
. Part-time
work
 and unemployment
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
 had much more
differency
Correct your spelling
difference
.
In the
Change preposition
The
show examples
 first chart,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
showed
graduate
students
’ research in 2008,
further
 study was the highest compared to others which was 29665 and the voluntary
work
bottomed-out
Correct your spelling
bottomed out
show examples
 at 3500. Unemployment and part-time
work
 were in parallel at 16235 and 17735 respectively.
Finally
, in the second chart, postgraduate
students
 tended to do
further
 study and part-time
work
 which differed from
graduate
students
 at 2725 and 2535. The lowest was voluntary
work
 at the rate of 345
students
 and
unemployment
Correct article usage
the unemployment
show examples
students
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 1625.
Submitted by buyabuya201 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "further".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 69%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words graduate, students, work with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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