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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The charts give information about the diet and general health of two groups of students. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts give information about the diet and general health of two groups of students. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The juxtaposed table and pie chart demonstrate the information about the
diet
Use synonyms
 and general health condition of individuals by percentage from
Group
Use synonyms
 A and
B
Use synonyms
 .
Overall
Linking Words
 , it is clear
while
Linking Words
 cereals are considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the most popular type of
diet
Use synonyms
 in
Group
Use synonyms
 A , the corresponding
diet
Use synonyms
 for
Group
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
 is associated with food with
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
high fat
Add a hyphen
high-fat
show examples
 content. Both
Use synonyms
Group
Fix the agreement mistake
Groups
show examples
 A and
B
Use synonyms
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
accounted for the most popular tendency of attendance at classes . In terms of pie charts , it is obvious that there is a narrow disparity between
fruit
Correct article usage
the fruit
show examples
diet
Use synonyms
 of
Group
Use synonyms
 A and
Goup
Correct your spelling
Group
B
Use synonyms
 by 3
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 5 and 8
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
, respectively . The cereals and fish
diet
Use synonyms
 are almost the same with 35 and 5
percent
Use synonyms
 ,
accordingly
Linking Words
 .There is a significant difference between people who prefer
vegetable
Correct article usage
a vegetable
show examples
diet
Use synonyms
 between
Group
Use synonyms
 A and
Group
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
. In terms of
table
Add an article
the table
a table
show examples
 , it is evident that
th emost
Correct your spelling
the most
 popular health activity both in
Group
Use synonyms
 A and
B
Use synonyms
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
accounted for attendance at classes which is nearly 90 and 75
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
, respectively .
Overweight
Add a missing verb
Being overweight
show examples
 problem is
also
Linking Words
 the second
prevalent
Correct quantifier usage
most prevalent
show examples
 health issue between
Use synonyms
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 A and
B
Use synonyms
 with
former
Correct article usage
the former
show examples
standin
Correct your spelling
standing
stand in
standin'
gfirst
Correct your spelling
first
 with 10
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
 latter
20
Change preposition
with 20
show examples
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words diet, group, b, percent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • dietary patterns
  • nutritional intake
  • carbohydrates
  • proteins
  • fast food consumption
  • health indicators
  • diet quality
  • beverages
  • sugary drinks
  • health outcomes
  • obesity
  • physical activity
  • fatigue
  • health maintenance
  • anomalies
  • trends
  • balance
  • comparison
  • correlation
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