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Band 5

Some people dislike changes in their society and in their own lives, and want things to stay the same. Why do some people want things to stay the same? Why should change be regarded as something positive?

#people #dislike #changes #society #lives #change
Today, it is common to see that some
people
 do not like changes
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their life or
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society, trying to keep everything
as
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apply
show examples
the same.
This
 essay will discuss the reasons contributing to attitudes about keeping the same and changing. There are several reasons leading to
people
 who want to keep the same. The primary reason is that the candidates
of
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for
show examples
 hunting jobs own more professional skills and knowledge than before, leading to severe
competiton
Correct your spelling
competition
. Those
people
 who face huge
working
Replace the word
work
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 pressure have to spend extra
time
to learn
Change the verb form
learning
show examples
 new skills, resulting in less
time
on
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in
show examples
 their own lives.
However
, changing always needs a long period of
time
.
For example
, when
people
 want to lose weight, they have to invest their limited free
time
 in developing healthy diets and doing
excercise
Correct your spelling
exercise
exercises
 but most
people
 are unwilling to do the above tasks
due to
 a little
of
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apply
show examples
free
time
.
Therefore
,
people
 want to keep everything staying the same rather
altering
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than altering
show examples
 it.
On the other hand
, some
people
 have to change even though something is positive. The reason is that the government focuses on economic development but ignores the other important
fileds
Correct your spelling
files
fields
,
such
 as
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
. Most
people
 understand that selecting green
trasportations
Correct your spelling
transportation
transportations
, like walking or riding bicycles , is beneficial to our environment.
However
, more and more
people
 choose to take vehicles that rely on fossil fuels than before because they need to spend more
time
 on meeting the
government
Change noun form
government's
show examples
 expectations of economic growth. In
this
 way,
people
 know that commuting by
bicycles
Fix the agreement mistake
bicycle
show examples
 is beneficial but they have to make changes. As discussed above, I think
more
Correct article usage
a more
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 severe competition environment leads to the trend that some
people
 want to stay the same.
For those
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Those
show examples
people
 have to change because the government only focuses on economic development.
Submitted by yyyuanc on

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Task Achievement
Your essay provided relevant points to both aspects of the question, which shows a good understanding. To enhance your task achievement, try to develop your arguments more fully with clear, detailed examples and explanations. Clarify how each point connects to your main argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
You've made an effort to structure your essay, which is commendable. For better coherence, ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that ideas flow logically from one to the next. Using more varied transition phrases can also help to guide the reader more smoothly through your arguments.
Relevance
You made relevant points, showing understanding of the topic.
Examples
You attempted to use examples, which is a good strategy for supporting your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Status quo
  • Skepticism
  • Inevitable
  • Progression
  • Innovation
  • Cultural identity
  • Familiarity
  • Aversion
  • Adaptability
  • Comfort zone
  • Economic stability
  • Global awareness
  • Personal growth
What to do next:
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