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Writing Samples
Band 5

The table below shows information about the population of New Zealand from 2011 to 2012 by age group. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below shows information about the population of New Zealand from 2011 to 2012 by age group. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #population #zealand #age #group #summarise #features #comparisons
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The table details some information about the
number
Use synonyms
 of citizens living in New Zealand over the period of one year, between 2011 and 2012 by different
age
Use synonyms
 brackets.
Overall
Linking Words
, there was an upward trend in the
number
Use synonyms
 of inhabitants staying in New Zealand.
Additionally
Linking Words
, most
age
Use synonyms
 sets rose slightly.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the reverse was true for both children who were under 15 and the 15-39
age
Use synonyms
 group.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 in New Zealand, a great deal of citizens came from the 40-64
age
Use synonyms
 sets, just a few elderlies came from the 65+
age
Use synonyms
 group.
According to
Linking Words
 the chart, concerning all ages. In 2011, the figure for it stood at around 4.38
million
Use synonyms
, at which point,
this
Linking Words
number
Use synonyms
 rose considerably to around 4.41
million
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the 40-64
age
Use synonyms
 range climbed slightly from 1,331
million
Use synonyms
 to 1,339
million
Use synonyms
 in 2012, and the percentage of alteration of it was +0.6%.
In addition
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of old people who came from the 65+
age
Use synonyms
 group grew mildly to 596.903 with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 ratio of adjustment was +0.4%. Regarding
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
 remaining
age
Use synonyms
 groups, the
number
Use synonyms
 of both inhabitants who were under 15 years old and citizens who had ages from 15-39 years old declined slightly to approximately 896 thousand and 1.574
million
Use synonyms
, correspondingly. And the proportion of modification was -0.2% for both of them.
Submitted by vantueman496 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "moreover".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, age, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "sets" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 3 times.
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