Some people think that having a set retirement age (e.g. 65 years) for everybody, regardless of occupation is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier age. Do you agree or disagree? Which type of workers do you think should benefit from early retirement?

#people #retirement #age #e #g #years #everybody #occupation #workers #pension #type #benefit

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Pension is one of the most crucial benefits of after-work advantages. In many countries, the

age

Use synonyms

of retirement is pre-defined by the authorities and

law makers

Correct your spelling

lawmakers

show examples

. A certain segment of individuals argues that a certain category of

workers

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should be retired at their earliest phase of

life

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. I raise my hand to the folks who support

this

Linking Words

notion and I will elaborate on my stance in the ensuing paragraphs supported by logical reasoning and relevant examples. Analyzing the statement and explaining

further

Linking Words

, the first and foremost reason to support my statement is

physical

Add an article

the physical

show examples

and mental well-being of

workers

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. There are certain types of jobs, which require intense physical labour,

such

Linking Words

as construction,

carpenter

Replace the word

carpentry

show examples

, warehouse packaging and many other jobs. It becomes difficult for

such

Linking Words

type or

workers

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to produce

same

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the same

show examples

amount of output

Change preposition

show examples

their 60’s as compared to 30’s.

Moreover

Linking Words

, having

employed

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been employed

show examples

at hospitals and secret agencies, employees find it unmanageable to lighten up the same amount of concentration and dedication at

older

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an older

show examples

age

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However

Linking Words

, by providing benefits at

early

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an early

show examples

age

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, it can increase the probability of opportunities for young and

deserve

Wrong verb form

deserving

show examples

people to fill

required

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the required

a required

show examples

position

Fix the agreement mistake

positions

show examples

hence

Linking Words

encourage

Wrong verb form

encouraging

show examples

them to

fulfill

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fulfil

show examples

their dreams at

early

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an early

show examples

age

Use synonyms

. Moving

further

Linking Words

, people who work in

National

Correct article usage

the National

show examples

army and indulge in physical labour should benefit from early retirement.

For instance

Linking Words

, an army officer spent most of his

life

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to serve

Change the verb form

serving

show examples

country

Correct article usage

the country

show examples

and people. Having retirement benefits at

earliest

Correct article usage

the earliest

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phase can give

liberty

Correct pronoun usage

them liberty

show examples

and freedom to spend

rest

Correct article usage

the rest

show examples

of their

life

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with families and relatives.

Moreover

Linking Words

, it would provide a golden opportunity

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for

show examples

employees to work on interests and hobbies to pursue

theirs

Correct the word

their

show examples

dreams after working relentlessly for

entire

Correct pronoun usage

their entire

show examples

life

Use synonyms

To conclude

Linking Words

, countries should take measures to enforce laws for the conduct of superannuation at

early

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an early

show examples

age

Use synonyms

for specific fields for the well-being of

workers

Use synonyms

and to let humans

Change the verb form

apply

show examples

enjoy

their

Change the word

the

show examples

rest of

life

Use synonyms

with families and by involving in some kind of areas of

interests

Fix the agreement mistake

interest

show examples

Submitted by parneetkaur22121998 on Sun Mar 31 2024

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Structure

Ensure your essay has a clear structure, including distinct paragraphs for the introduction, main body, and conclusion. Use linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.

Linking

Enhance cohesion by using a wider range of linking phrases to show contrast, cause and effect, and to add information.

Clarity

Demonstrate clear and comprehensive ideas by providing detailed examples and explanations to support your statements.

Depth

For an even stronger response, consider addressing counterarguments to enhance the depth of your essay.

Examples

You have provided specific examples to support your argument, which strengthens your essay.

Task Response

Overall, your essay clearly addresses the task and offers relevant arguments to support your viewpoint.

Structure

Your introduction and conclusion are well-constructed, framing your essay effectively.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
27
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

324 words

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