The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

You should write at least 150 words.
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The bar chart illustrates some changes
about
Change preposition
in
show examples
the percentage of
people
Use synonyms
born in
Australia
Use synonyms
and
people
Use synonyms
who were born outside
Australia
Use synonyms
living in urban, rural and
town
Fix the agreement mistake
towns
show examples
between 1995 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
statistic
Fix the agreement mistake
statistics
show examples
of
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
who
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
born in cities 1995 in witnessed an upward trend over a period of 15 years.
In contrast
Linking Words
, there was a downward trend in newborns in town between 1995 and 2010. In 1995,
people
Use synonyms
born in
Australia
Use synonyms
and outside
Australia
Use synonyms
were the highest figures, accounting for 50
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
and 60
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
, respectively. Not only was the highest ratio in 1995 but
also
Linking Words
the percentage of who were born in cities in 2010.
In addition
Linking Words
,there were few developments in terms of
people
Use synonyms
who were given birth both inside and outside
this
Linking Words
nation, in 2010, making up around 65
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
and 80
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
, for each. A striking feature is that the percentage of newborn babies outside
this
Linking Words
country reached the peak of 80
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
in 2010. There was an
overall
Linking Words
downward trend in figures for all levels of giving birth in other groups
such
Linking Words
as towns and rural areas throughout the period shown .
Submitted by buyabuya201 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 89%.
Vocabulary: Replace the words people, australia, percent with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "changes" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "downward" was used 2 times.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Percentage
  • Demographic
  • Trends
  • Urban areas
  • Rural areas
  • Town
  • Native-born
  • Foreign-born
  • Migration patterns
  • Economic factors
  • Government policies
  • Increase
  • Decrease
  • Steady
  • Peak
  • Trough
  • Time frame
  • Significant changes
  • Distribution
  • Notable
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