IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many governments have laws that ban the sale and use of hard drugs such as heroin and cocaine, yet they allow people to buy drugs such as tobacco and alcohol. Laws that prohibit the sale and use of hard drugs should be applied to all drugs, including tobacco and alcohol. What is your opinion?

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In many countries around the world,
drugs
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as cocaine and heroin are prohibited
while
Linking Words
alcohol
Use synonyms
 and cigarettes sale is allowed. Many consider
tobacco
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 and alcoholic drinks
drugs
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 as well, defending that laws should be banning these
items
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 too, being applied to all
drugs
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. In my view, despite I believe
alcohol
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 and
tobacco
Use synonyms
cause
Use synonyms
damages
Fix the agreement mistake
damage
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 to
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 consumers,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 should not be banned, but still limited, because its still part of many societies'
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
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. It is proven that hard
Use synonyms
drugs
Change the noun form
drug
show examples
 consumption can irreversibly damage an individual's life. The effects that heroin and cocaine can
cause
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in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the human body,
for example
Linking Words
, not only
affects
Correct subject-verb agreement
affect
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 their organs but
also
Linking Words
leads
Correct subject-verb agreement
lead
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a
Change preposition
to a
show examples
high
addiction
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, making users
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
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dependents
Fix the agreement mistake
dependent
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of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 these chemicals to function mentally and physically. A high level of
addiction
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 often impacts the person's function, impeding them
to work
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from working
show examples
,
socialize
Wrong verb form
socialising
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 and
look
Wrong verb form
looking
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 after themselves.
Additionally
Linking Words
, people that surround addicts
such
Linking Words
 as family and partners
also
Linking Words
 suffer
phycological
Correct your spelling
psychological
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 and material consequences. The damage
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cause
Wrong verb form
caused
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 by hard
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drugs
Change the noun form
drug
show examples
 usage is huge,
thus
Linking Words
, governments established laws to ban those chemicals from society.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the consumption of
tobacco
Use synonyms
 and
alcohol
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 can damage a person's life
similarly
Linking Words
.
While
Linking Words
 a high consumption of cigarettes
Use synonyms
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
show examples
 different types of cancer and heart deceases,
alcohol
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addiction
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 leads to other deceases, domestic violence and mental health conditions
such
Linking Words
 as depression. Both
items
Use synonyms
 can
also
Linking Words
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
 to high
addiction
Use synonyms
.
However
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, they
are
Wrong verb form
have been
show examples
 more inserted in
human's
Change noun form
human
show examples
 culture since the old eras, being associated with socialization and relaxation. The government can create laws to
strict
Correct your spelling
restrict
show examples
 cigarettes and alcoholic drinks
while
Linking Words
 promoting healthier habits, but banning those
items
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 may
cause
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 negative reactions.
That is
Linking Words
 why, in my opinion, prohibiting these
items
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 is not effective. In conclusion, governments prohibiting
items
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 considered
drugs
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such
Linking Words
Use synonyms
alcohol
Change preposition
as alcohol
show examples
 and
tobacco
Use synonyms
 at the same level as hard
drugs
Use synonyms
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is not
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 effective solution.
This
Linking Words
 is because
its
Correct your spelling
it's
show examples
 still part of people's culture to consume these
items
Use synonyms
 so they part of the population can reprove it.

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specific examples
You've presented a clear argument with a structured approach, distinguishing between hard drugs and substances like alcohol and tobacco. Enhancing your essay with more diverse examples and concrete evidence could further strengthen your position.
grammar spelling
Be mindful of spelling and grammar accuracy to make your argument more persuasive and easier to follow. For example, addressing minor errors such as 'deceases' instead of 'diseases,' and the correct use of 'it's' (it is) instead of 'its' (possessive determiner) can improve clarity.
transitional phrases
You've successfully introduced and concluded your essay, linking them effectively with the topic at hand. To further improve coherence, consider transitions that more seamlessly connect your main points, ensuring a smoother flow of ideas.
supported main points
Detailed analysis of the impact of hard drugs versus tobacco and alcohol, effectively supporting your main argument.
introduction conclusion
Good use of an introductory paragraph to set the stage for your argument, followed by a strong conclusion that summarizes your viewpoint.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Chronic diseases
  • Substance abuse
  • Psychological dependency
  • Social stigma
  • Preventive measures
  • Legislative framework
  • Healthcare expenditure
  • Judicial system
  • Prohibition era
  • Civil liberties
  • Tax revenues
  • Harm reduction
  • Ethical considerations
  • Public health policy
  • Addiction treatment
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