IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

A government’s role is only to provide defence capability and urban infrastructure (roads, water supplies, etc.). All other services (education, health, social security) should be provided by private groups or individuals in the community. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#government’s #role #defence #capability #infrastructure #roads #water #supplies #services #education #health #security #groups #individuals #community
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Nowadays one of the important
Use synonyms
government’s
Change noun form
government
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role
Fix the agreement mistake
roles
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 is to protect their inhabitants and to defend their rights.
In addition
Linking Words
, their job is to
defence
Replace the word
defend
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 their roads, water supplies, transportation, energy and other urban infrastructure.
However
Linking Words
, education, health, social security and other services are the face of
Use synonyms
country
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the country
a country
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. My opinion is, if
people
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 are well-trained and make an effort to
progress’s
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progress
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this
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 is what attracts other governments. I believe
,
Remove the comma
apply
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Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
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 should take education seriously. In the
future
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future,
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 these
people
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 will represent their
country
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. They should be educated and be ready to promote their
country
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.
Also
Linking Words
, they will work for their
country
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. What about health? If
Correct article usage
the county’s
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county’s
Correct your spelling
country’s
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people
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will be
Wrong verb form
are
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 sick,
this
Linking Words
 definitely won’t bring any positive outcomes later.
Government
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 need to take care of their citizens.
For instance
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, hospitals should be free. They need
work
Fix the infinitive
to work
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 24 hours
in
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apply
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 week.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
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government
Add an article
the government
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 need to be economically healthy too. Economically healthy means economic stability. What does it mean? Economic stability means that
people
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 have the resources essential to a healthy life. Factors affecting economic stability include affordable housing, employment that provides a living wage, things that support employment, like worker protections, paid sick leave,
and
Correct word choice
apply
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child care, and access to reliable transportation.
Last
Linking Words
, but not least is social welfare. Including America, social security provides financial protection for our nation's
people
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, supporting Americans throughout all of life's journeys. That’s what every
country
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 ought to do.
This
Linking Words
 is so important for inhabitants.
To sum up
Linking Words
, as I said before, education, health and social security are made for citizens.
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Government
Correct article usage
The government
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 ought to be more attentive
with
Change preposition
to
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 its
people
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 and
they
Correct pronoun usage
it
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 should
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
take it for their own responsibility. Their
people
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 will support them in the future and work to make their
country
Use synonyms
 powerful.
Submitted by muradismailbayli on

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Coherence & Cohesion
To improve coherence, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main point. Use clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader.
Coherence & Cohesion
Increase the usage of linking words to connect ideas more smoothly across sentences and paragraphs. For example, transitions like 'Furthermore', 'Additionally', 'However', can greatly improve the flow of your essay.
Task Achievement
Your essay would benefit from a clearer distinction between the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Start with an introduction that clearly states the topic and your stance, followed by body paragraphs that explore each point in detail, and conclude with a summary of your arguments and your opinion.
Task Achievement
Incorporating specific examples or data to support your points can strengthen your arguments. Consider including real-life examples, statistical evidence, or citing credible sources to add depth to your essay.
Task Achievement
You provided a clear opinion, which is excellent for the task response.
Coherence & Cohesion
The essay is generally well-structured with a discernible introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Task Achievement
Your essay explores a range of relevant areas (education, health, economic stability, social welfare), showcasing a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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