you should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: A government’s role is only to provide defence capability and urban infrastructure (roads, water supplies, etc.). All other services (education, health, social security) should be provided by private groups or individuals in the community. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Write at least 250 words.

Nowadays one of the important
government’s
Change noun form
government
show examples
role
Fix the agreement mistake
roles
show examples
is to protect their inhabitants and to defend their rights.
In addition
, their job is to
defence
Replace the word
defend
show examples
their roads, water supplies, transportation, energy and other urban infrastructure.
However
, education, health, social security and other services are the face of
country
Add an article
the country
a country
show examples
. My opinion is, if
people
are well-trained and make an effort to
progress’s
Change noun form
progress
show examples
this
is what attracts other governments. I believe
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
should take education seriously. In the
future
Add a comma
future,
show examples
these
people
will represent their
country
. They should be educated and be ready to promote their
country
.
Also
, they will work for their
country
. What about health? If
Correct article usage
the county’s
show examples
county’s
Correct your spelling
country’s
show examples
people
will be
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
sick,
this
definitely won’t bring any positive outcomes later.
Government
need to take care of their citizens.
For instance
, hospitals should be free. They need
work
Fix the infinitive
to work
show examples
24 hours
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
week.
Moreover
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
need to be economically healthy too. Economically healthy means economic stability. What does it mean? Economic stability means that
people
have the resources essential to a healthy life. Factors affecting economic stability include affordable housing, employment that provides a living wage, things that support employment, like worker protections, paid sick leave,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
child care, and access to reliable transportation.
Last
, but not least is social welfare. Including America, social security provides financial protection for our nation's
people
, supporting Americans throughout all of life's journeys. That’s what every
country
ought to do.
This
is so important for inhabitants.
To sum up
, as I said before, education, health and social security are made for citizens.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
ought to be more attentive
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
its
people
and
they
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
should
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
take it for their own responsibility. Their
people
will support them in the future and work to make their
country
powerful.
Submitted by muradismailbayli on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence & Cohesion
To improve coherence, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main point. Use clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader.
Coherence & Cohesion
Increase the usage of linking words to connect ideas more smoothly across sentences and paragraphs. For example, transitions like 'Furthermore', 'Additionally', 'However', can greatly improve the flow of your essay.
Task Achievement
Your essay would benefit from a clearer distinction between the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Start with an introduction that clearly states the topic and your stance, followed by body paragraphs that explore each point in detail, and conclude with a summary of your arguments and your opinion.
Task Achievement
Incorporating specific examples or data to support your points can strengthen your arguments. Consider including real-life examples, statistical evidence, or citing credible sources to add depth to your essay.
Task Achievement
You provided a clear opinion, which is excellent for the task response.
Coherence & Cohesion
The essay is generally well-structured with a discernible introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Task Achievement
Your essay explores a range of relevant areas (education, health, economic stability, social welfare), showcasing a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!