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Band 4.5

the tradition of families getting together to eat meals is disappearing . what are the reasons .

#tradition #families #meals
In recent years , it has
being
Change the form of the verb
been
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 noticed that family members are no longer doing
get togethers
Add a hyphen
get-togethers
show examples
 as they used to do
due to
 various reasons
such
 as
,
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apply
show examples
most individuals they migrated and differences in
believes
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beliefs
show examples
.
However
 , some
people
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
still practice
such
culture
Correct article usage
a culture
show examples
. In my own opinion ,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 would say it is very vital to have get together as it strengthens the family.
This
 essay will discuss
further
 the reasons . Nowadays,
people
 are migrating to other countries in search of greener pastures ,
therefore
 , swallowships are no longer happening .
people
 will opt to send funds to their loved ones during holidays , celebrations and if there is
Correct article usage
an
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emergency thereby it will reduce the costs of
tranports
Correct your spelling
transports
transport
as well as
 time since most
them
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of them
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will be busy .
For example
 , most Zimbabweans ,
they
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apply
show examples
evacuated to Great Britain in search of jobs ,
nonetheless
 ,the distance is huge approximately 25000
kilomemetres
Correct your spelling
kilometres
hence
indivuduals
Correct your spelling
individuals
 will decide not to attend family gatherings. The indifference
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 cultural beliefs
also
 contributes to the
disappering
Correct your spelling
disappearance
 of family meetings because
people
 have
human
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the human
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wright
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right
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to believe
what soever
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whatever
show examples
the
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apply
show examples
religion they would like to
hence
, individuals have a variety of
culture
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cultural
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faith
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faiths
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for example
 , christianity ,
muslim
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Islam
, hindu and traditional healers .
Although
 it differs , some family members
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will decide not to interact with the opposite ones.
for
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For
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exampe
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example
 in Nigeria , it has
Add a missing verb
been
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reported that about 90
percent
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per cent
show examples
 of family members
they
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apply
show examples
do not even communicate because of
witchcrafts
Fix the agreement mistake
witchcraft
show examples
. in
conclussion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, families
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
no longer engage in
get togethers
Add a hyphen
get-togethers
show examples
due to
 various reasons
such
 as
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
difference
Fix the agreement mistake
differences
show examples
 in culture believes and
migration
Correct article usage
the migration
show examples
 of
people
 to other countries .
in
Capitalize word
In
show examples
 my own opinion , it is vital to have family meetings to a greater
exent
Correct your spelling
extent
.
Submitted by teterayithelma on

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear position and discusses reasons for the disappearance of family get-togethers. To further improve, aim to provide more elaborated examples and a variety of reasons. This would enrich your argument and make your essay more comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
Try to vary your sentence structures and use a range of cohesive devices to link ideas more smoothly. This will enhance the flow of your essay and make your arguments easier to follow.
language
Pay attention to spelling and grammatical accuracy. Errors such as 'swallowships' instead of maybe 'fellowships', 'indivuduals' instead of 'individuals', and 'wright' instead of 'right', can detract from the clarity of your message. Regular practice and proofreading can help minimize these mistakes.
introduction
You effectively introduced the topic and provided a clear thesis statement, which is great for structuring your essay.
supporting examples
You did a good job using examples to support your points, such as the migration of Zimbabweans to Great Britain.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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