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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The bar chart below shows shares of expenditures for five major categories in the United States, Canada, the United Kingdom, and Japan in the year 2009. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information below.

The bar chart below shows shares of expenditures for five major categories in the United States, Canada, the United Kingdom, and Japan in the year 2009. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information below.
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The bar chart illustrates shares of expenditures for five categories (
Food
Use synonyms
, Housing, Transportation,
Health
Use synonyms
care
Use synonyms
, and Clothing) in different countries ( United States, Canada, United Kingdom, and Japan) in 2009.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is seen that shares of expenditures for housing,
food
Use synonyms
, and transportation in all given counties showed
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 rate compared
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 categories for
health
Use synonyms
care
Use synonyms
 and clothing. With regard
Use synonyms
food
Change preposition
to food
show examples
, Japan had
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 highest rate among
four
Correct article usage
the four
show examples
 countries.
This
Linking Words
 figure was approximately 23%
..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
show examples
 United States witnessed less than 15%
while
Linking Words
 they had
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 highest figure for housing, reaching a peak of about 26%.
Although
Linking Words
 Canada was over 15% in
food
Use synonyms
, housing, and transportation, they accounted
a
Change preposition
for a
show examples
slight part
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
health
Use synonyms
care
Use synonyms
 and clothing. In the case of
health
Use synonyms
care
Use synonyms
, except for the percentage for
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 States, all three countries recorded less than 5%.
Submitted by heoeunsae on

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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 73%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words food, health, care with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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