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Band 5.5

Nowadays people make new friends through social networks and internet chat groups. Some people think this is good. Others thinks face to face interaction is essential. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #friends #networks #internet #chat #groups #face #interaction
In the era of digital
technologies
Add a comma
technologies,
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 a lot of
people
 are used to
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 new friends on the Internet. On the one hand, it is much easier to find like-minded
people
 through social networks because they point
information
Change preposition
out information
show examples
 about themselves.
On the other hand
, it is necessary for
people
 to interact
face
 to
face
 because
this
 way
can
Verb problem
apply
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they can improve their social and communication skills. In
Correct article usage
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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terms of online interaction, social networks provide
people
 with simple ways to find
people
 who have the same interests without leaving home. In most
cases
Add a comma
cases,
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 online users indicate some information about themselves on the Internet. They are supposed to be clear with pointed hobbies and
this
 way
people
 can find like-minded individuals. As scientific researches show, for
people
 from 14 to 40 years old it is more possible to make new friends through
the
Correct article usage
apply
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internet chat groups because of the indicated information about
user
Add an article
the user
a user
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 and
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 interests. Indeed, if
person
Add an article
a person
the person
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 knows about someone’s hobbies, they will be able to realise about what they can talk.
However
,
Add a hyphen
face-to-face
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face to
Add a hyphen
face-to-face
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face
 communication remains one of the most crucial aspects of socialisation. When
people
 have a personal meeting, they have to talk
each
Change preposition
to each
show examples
 other to support the discussion. The more they communicate personally in reality, the more sociable they are and the easier being in a conversation is.
For example
, when children go to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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kindergarten, they always have to interact with each other and with teachers. At
this
 period of
life
Add a comma
life,
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people
 extremely develop their social skills and it reflects in their ability to communicate with others in the future. In conclusion,
people
 surely may make new friends through social networks finding like-minded individuals.
Nevertheless
,
face to
Add a hyphen
face-to-face
show examples
face
 interactions are crucial for
development
Add an article
the development
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 of communicative skills.
Submitted by julykryuchkova on

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Specific Examples
Be sure to provide even more specific examples to support your points. This will add depth to your essay and make your arguments more convincing.
Transitions
Considerable effort has been made in structuring the essay well. To further enhance it, try to ensure smooth and more natural transitions between paragraphs.
Conclusion Summarization
While your introduction and conclusion are well-crafted, focusing on summarizing your discussion first and last points in the conclusion could create a stronger sense of closure.
Vocabulary
Continuing to expand your vocabulary will aid in expressing ideas more vividly and accurately.
Balanced Argument
The essay presents a balanced view of both sides of the argument which is key in this type of essay.
Thesis Statement
You have a clear thesis statement that sets up the discussion effectively.
Use of Examples
Your use of examples, though could be more specific, helps in supporting your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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