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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The charts below show the average consumption of three nutrients by adults in the UK. All of these nutrients may be unhealthy if eaten too much.

The charts below show the average consumption of three nutrients by adults in the UK. All of these nutrients may be unhealthy if eaten too much.
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The pie chart below
showcase
Change the verb form
showcases
show examples
 the three nutrients (
sodium
Use synonyms
, saturated fat and added
sugar
Use synonyms
) consumed daily by an average
person
Use synonyms
 in the UK.
In
Change preposition
Overall
show examples
overall
Linking Words
, high
sugar
Use synonyms
 is
immensly
Correct your spelling
immensely
 favourable with a portion of nearly half of a
person
Use synonyms
's appetite through the day, which
contained
Add a missing verb
is contained
show examples
 heavily in snacks.
Additionally
Linking Words
, increased
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
 of
sodium
Use synonyms
 tend to
imply
Wrong verb form
be implied
show examples
 in dinner meals. All of these nutrients are found the
leats
Correct your spelling
least
show examples
 in breakfast, with mostly filled with just
lower
Correct word choice
less
show examples
 than 20% of all ingredients. During lunch,
usually
Add a comma
usually,
show examples
 a
person
Use synonyms
eat
Change the verb form
eats
show examples
 meals containing nearly 30% of
sodium
Use synonyms
 and only 26% of saturated fat.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, foods containing high
sodium
Use synonyms
 peaked during dinner with a portion
42
Change preposition
of 42
show examples
%,
while
Linking Words
sugar
Use synonyms
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 least consumed during
this
Linking Words
 period by only just a little over 19%.
Lastly
Linking Words
, a
person
Use synonyms
 ends the day with almost half up to 45% of snacks filled with added
sugar
Use synonyms
,
comprises
Wrong verb form
comprised
show examples
 of less fat by 19% and
sodium
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
by
show examples
 17%.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sodium, sugar, person with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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