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Band 5.5

The charts below show the percentages of men and women aged 60-64 in employment in four countries in 1970 and 2000 Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.

The charts below show the percentages of men and women aged 60-64 in employment in four countries in 1970 and 2000 Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.
#show #percentages #men #women #employment #four #countries #summaries #information #features #comparison
The given chart shows
rate
Add an article
the rate
show examples
 of
men
 and
women
 aged between 60 -64 in
emploement
Correct your spelling
employment
 in
four
countries
 in 1970 and 2000.
overall
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
men
 and
women
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
worked many
percentage
 in 1970 compared to 2000 but
compare
Change the form of the verb
compared
show examples
 to
men
, working
women
percentage
 is lower than
men
 in
four
countries
 in both years.
Firstly
, In
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
four
countries
Add a comma
countries,
show examples
men
 had worked high
percentage
 in 1970. In
Change the capitalization
Australia
show examples
australia
Change the capitalization
Australia
show examples
 74%
men
Change preposition
of men
show examples
 worked in 1970
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to 2000 it reduced to 47%, in
japan
Capitalize word
Japan
show examples
 84% in 1970 to 76% in 2000, in
usa
Correct your spelling
USA
 73% in 1970 to 55% in 2000 and in
Correct article usage
the beigium
show examples
beigium
Correct your spelling
Belgium
 79% in 1970 to 19% in 2000.
Secondly
, in
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
four
countries
 compared to
men
,
women
 had
small
Add an article
a small
show examples
percentage
 of people
worked
Change the form of the verb
working
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
aged 60-64. In
Change the capitalization
Australia
show examples
australia
Change the capitalization
Australia
show examples
 18%
women
Change preposition
of women
show examples
 worked in 1970
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to 2000 it increased to 19%, in
japan
Capitalize word
Japan
show examples
 43% in 1970 to 40% in 2000, in
usa
Correct your spelling
USA
 36% in 1970 to 38% in 2000 and in
beigium
Correct your spelling
Belgium
 8% in 1970 to 7% in 2000.
Submitted by insighttribez on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the eighth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words men, women, four, countries, percentage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the eighth paragraph.
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