IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people think that instead of preventing climate change, we need to find a way to live with it. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #climate #change
I am
doimg
Correct your spelling
doing
 a project on the most popular jobs with young people in Zetland. I have
foun
Correct your spelling
found
 a
table
 with the results of some opinion polls. Now I am going to analyse the data in the
table
, express my point of view and draw a conclusion.
According to
 the
table
, the majority of the respondents prefer a government official (31 per
cent
). An
engeneer
Correct your spelling
engineer
 is the second most popular
job
 with 28 per
cent
 of those polled. A lawyer is the least common response, with 5 per
cent
 of those surveyed giving it. As
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can be seen from the
table
, a doctor is a less popular
job
 than an IT specialist (15 per
cent
 and 21 per
cent
 respectively). It can inferred that young people in Zetland are more likely to choose
growing
Correct article usage
the growing
show examples
 sphere and to choose the
job
 that
connected
Add a missing verb
is connected
show examples
 with technology. These days many people face a problem with choosing a
job
 focussing only on salary, in which case they may choose a profession
that is
 not suitable for them at all. The best solution, in my opinion, is to take a career guidance test to help yourself with choosing
job
Add an article
a job
show examples
. In conclusion, I believe that a government official is the most popular
job
 because
this
job
 is stable, useful and prestigious.
Submitted by dulskywork on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Try to structure your essay more distinctly with a clear introduction expressing your overall opinion, followed by paragraphs focusing on individual points, and a conclusion that reaffirms your stance. This will ensure clarity and better flow in your argument.
cohesive devices
Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices (for example, however, therefore, moreover) to link ideas more smoothly and clearly.
grammar and spelling
Be more cautious with spelling and grammar. While minor errors are understandable, fewer errors would enhance the clarity and professionalism of your writing. E.g., 'engeneer' should be 'engineer', and 'an IT specialist' should be 'IT specialists'.
sentence structure
Integrate more varied and complex sentence structures to express your ideas. This will not only make your writing more engaging but also demonstrate a higher level of English proficiency.
data presentation
You did a good job presenting data from the table and providing a clear analysis based on the numbers given.
effective conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your analysis and provides a clear opinion, which is essential for a strong essay.
contextual analysis
You've managed to link the career choices with broader societal trends, which adds depth to your analysis.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • climate change
  • prevent
  • adaptation
  • mitigation
  • cope with
  • effects
  • shift
  • mindset
  • lifestyle
  • balance
  • invest
  • research
  • technology
  • crucial
  • education
  • awareness
What to do next:
Look at other essays: