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Band 3.5

Calorie source for UK males at different life periods. Bar graph 1

#calorie #source #uk #males #life #periods #bar
Illustrated in the following bar graph is
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
 calorie consumption of British males
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 3 distinct
age
 groups, ranging from 0-24, 25-49, and over 50, with sources, including
dairy
 products,
meat
, pulses, and vegetables. Looking from an
overall
 aspect, it is obvious that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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UK males mostly prefer
dairy
 products
at
Change preposition
during
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teenage
Correct pronoun usage
their teenage
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 years,
while
 pulses
keep
Verb problem
remain
show examples
dominance
Replace the word
dominant
show examples
 in the older generation’s meals. Another key feature is that
meat
 is the most preferred food among adults
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
25
Correct article usage
the 25
show examples
-49
age
groups
Fix the agreement mistake
group
show examples
. From the data in the bar
graph
Add a comma
graph,
show examples
 it is observed that
dairy
 products and vegetables decline gradually as people become
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
, where people over 50 utilize approximately 15% of
dairy
 and a-tenth of plants. The utilization of calorie intake from
dairy
 and vegetables for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adults varies significantly, where 25
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 nearly and just above 10
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 allocated respectively. In terms of
remining
Correct your spelling
remaining
reminding
 categories,
meat
 consumption remains constant throughout a period given, accounting for a-fifths of calorie use, which is almost
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half for the British males of
25
Correct article usage
the 25
show examples
-49
age
 group.
Moreover
, followed by food consisting of
meat
,
while
 pulses are
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
 appreciated food, they held minority for all
age
 groups, ranging from
well-under
Correct your spelling
well under
show examples
 20 per cent to around 65 %
Submitted by writingbhos on

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Introduction/Conclusion
Consider introducing a brief conclusion summarizing the main trends and data points discussed to provide a more structured and complete response.
Data Presentation
Be cautious with percentages and numerical data. Ensure they are consistent and accurately reflect the data discussed. Clarify any ambiguous statements, such as 'well-under 20 per cent to around 65 %' for better clarity.
Cohesive Devices
Strive to use a variety of cohesive devices effectively, but make sure their application enhances clarity. Review the use of transitions and linking words to ensure they accurately connect ideas.
Task Coverage
To enhance task achievement, ensure all parts of the task are equally covered. Some areas, like the impact of age on food preferences, could be explored in more depth.
Task Response
Your essay provides a solid overall understanding of the bar graph's main trends, indicating good task achievement.
Logical Structure
You have maintained a logical flow of information throughout the essay, which helps in understanding the progression of data across different age groups.
Data Interpretation
Your ability to distinguish between different food categories and their consumption trends shows a good level of understanding of the data presented.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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