IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Calorie source for UK males at different life periods. Bar graph 1

#calorie #source #uk #males #life #periods #bar
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Illustrated in the following bar graph is
total
Correct article usage
the total
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 calorie consumption of British males
at
Change preposition
in
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 3 distinct
age
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 groups, ranging from 0-24, 25-49, and over 50, with sources, including
dairy
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 products,
meat
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, pulses, and vegetables. Looking from an
overall
Linking Words
 aspect, it is obvious that
the
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apply
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UK males mostly prefer
dairy
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 products
at
Change preposition
during
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teenage
Correct pronoun usage
their teenage
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 years,
while
Linking Words
 pulses
keep
Verb problem
remain
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dominance
Replace the word
dominant
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 in the older generation’s meals. Another key feature is that
meat
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 is the most preferred food among adults
of
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in
show examples
25
Correct article usage
the 25
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-49
age
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groups
Fix the agreement mistake
group
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. From the data in the bar
graph
Add a comma
graph,
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 it is observed that
dairy
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 products and vegetables decline gradually as people become
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
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, where people over 50 utilize approximately 15% of
dairy
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 and a-tenth of plants. The utilization of calorie intake from
dairy
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 and vegetables for
the
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apply
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adults varies significantly, where 25
percent
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per cent
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 nearly and just above 10
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 allocated respectively. In terms of
remining
Correct your spelling
remaining
reminding
 categories,
meat
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 consumption remains constant throughout a period given, accounting for a-fifths of calorie use, which is almost
a
Correct article usage
apply
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half for the British males of
25
Correct article usage
the 25
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-49
age
Use synonyms
 group.
Moreover
Linking Words
, followed by food consisting of
meat
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,
while
Linking Words
 pulses are
most
Correct article usage
the most
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 appreciated food, they held minority for all
age
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 groups, ranging from
well-under
Correct your spelling
well under
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 20 per cent to around 65 %
Submitted by writingbhos on

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Introduction/Conclusion
Consider introducing a brief conclusion summarizing the main trends and data points discussed to provide a more structured and complete response.
Data Presentation
Be cautious with percentages and numerical data. Ensure they are consistent and accurately reflect the data discussed. Clarify any ambiguous statements, such as 'well-under 20 per cent to around 65 %' for better clarity.
Cohesive Devices
Strive to use a variety of cohesive devices effectively, but make sure their application enhances clarity. Review the use of transitions and linking words to ensure they accurately connect ideas.
Task Coverage
To enhance task achievement, ensure all parts of the task are equally covered. Some areas, like the impact of age on food preferences, could be explored in more depth.
Task Response
Your essay provides a solid overall understanding of the bar graph's main trends, indicating good task achievement.
Logical Structure
You have maintained a logical flow of information throughout the essay, which helps in understanding the progression of data across different age groups.
Data Interpretation
Your ability to distinguish between different food categories and their consumption trends shows a good level of understanding of the data presented.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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