IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The charts below show the percentages of men and women aged 60-64 in employment in four countries in 1970 and 2000 Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The charts below show the percentages of men and women aged 60-64 in employment in four countries in 1970 and 2000 Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.
#minutes #show #percentages #men #women #employment #four #countries #summaries #information #features #comparison
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The bar charts given illustrate the proportion of occupation based on gender with
range
Add an article
a range
show examples
 of age from 60 to 64 in Australia, Japan, the USA and Belgium between 1970 and 2000.
Overall
, the percentage of
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
show examples
declines
Wrong verb form
declined
show examples
 significantly in 2000 compared to 1970
while
 the portion of women shows the opposite. In 1970, the four countries
reveal
Wrong verb form
revealed
show examples
 that
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
show examples
 aged 60-64 in employment are more than 70%.
For example
, in
Japan
Add a comma
Japan,
show examples
 84% were hired in 1970
and
Correct word choice
which
show examples
become
Wrong verb form
became
show examples
 the highest rate
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
employement
Correct your spelling
employment
 at that time.
Likewise
, Australia, the USA and Belgium show a portion of 74%, 73% and 79% respectively.
However
, these
number
Change the determiner
numbers
show examples
were plummetting
Wrong verb form
plummeted
show examples
 in 2000.
Women
Change noun form
Women's
show examples
 occupancy booked a different trend, which is
show
Wrong verb form
shown
show examples
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 contrary. The ratio of women
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the same age range
with
Change preposition
as
show examples
Add an article
the man
a man
show examples
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
show examples
were vary
Change the verb form
varied
show examples
 from 8% to 43% in 1970.
However
,
this
 number
remain
Correct subject-verb agreement
remains
show examples
 stable in comparison to other
gender
Fix the agreement mistake
genders
show examples
. All of the countries
shows
Correct subject-verb agreement
show
show examples
 a
slightly
Change the adverb
slight
show examples
 increase and decrease at the same time
Submitted by ikramjeihan.bnc on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 4 times.
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