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Writing Samples
Band 5

The bar graphs illustrate the proportion of who watched reality and game shows in men and women and 16-24, 25-34, 35-44 and 45+ age groups in Australia.

The bar graphs illustrate the proportion of who watched reality and game shows in men and women and 16-24, 25-34, 35-44 and 45+ age groups in Australia.
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Contained in the illustration is the information comparing the popularity
between
Change preposition
of
show examples
 two types of TV programs in terms of
genders
Fix the agreement mistake
gender
show examples
 and age
party
Fix the agreement mistake
parties
show examples
 in Australia. From an observational perspective, existence shows are more popular with women
while
Linking Words
 men are more familiar with game shows.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
45+
Correct article usage
the 45+
show examples
 age party enjoy these kinds of shows more than any other
group
Use synonyms
. Looking at the first chart in
further
Linking Words
 detail, the proportion of males and females watching realism shows
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
40% and 70% respectively. For the 16-24 crowd, 50% of them observe
real world
Add a hyphen
real-world
show examples
 shows and the percentage rises as their age increases. The 45+ association dominate
other crowd
Change the wording
another crowd
other crowds
show examples
 with more than 60% seeing reality programs. Turning to the second graph, the percentage of men watching games is slightly higher than that of women, at 60% and 57% in the following order. The 16-24
group
Use synonyms
 experiences 50% of them enjoying game shows
whereas
Linking Words
 the 25-44
group
Use synonyms
 shows little interest in these programs. The 45+
group
Use synonyms
 once again outnumber the rest with a 70% rate of viewers.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words group with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 7 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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