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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The pie charts below show units of electricity production by fuel source in Australia and France in 1980 and 2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie charts below show units of electricity production by fuel source in Australia and France in 1980 and 2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #units #electricity #production #fuel #source #australia #france #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The pie charts
offers
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offer
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 a comparative analysis of the
units
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 of
electricity
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 by fuel source in
Australia
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 and
France
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 in 1980 and 2000. The total
production
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 in both countries increased during the period, with the
figure
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of
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for
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Australia
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raised
Verb problem
rising
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 from 100
units
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 in 1980 to 170
units
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 in 2000,
while
Linking Words
France
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doubling
Wrong verb form
doubled
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 its 1980
figure
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 in 2000 to 180
units
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 in total. More precisely, in
Australia
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, coal
comprising
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comprised
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 half of the total
production
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 in 1980, with
oil
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, natural
gas
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 and
hydro
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hydropower
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power
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 sharing the rest 50
units
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, with 20
units
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, 20
units
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 and 10
units
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 respectively. In 2000, the
figure
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of
Change preposition
for
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 coal raised dramatically to 130
units
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, with
hydro
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hydropower
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power
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incresed
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increased
 slightly to 36
units
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.
Conversely
Linking Words
,
oil
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 and natural
gas
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 produced much less
electricity
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 than before, both contributed 2
units
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repectively
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respectively
.
Situation
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The situation
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 was different in
France
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. Coal,
oil
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, natural
gas
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 and nuclear
power
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 evenly shared the total
production
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, with each around 20
units
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 in 1980. Two decades later,
electricity
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 produced by nuclear
power
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 grew significantly to 126
units
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 of an
overall
Linking Words
 180
units
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, about 3/4 of the whole. Meanwhile, the
figure
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of
Change preposition
for
show examples
oil
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 and coal remained stable, with
hydro
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hydropower
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power
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 and natural
gas
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drop
Wrong verb form
dropping
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 dramatically to 2
units
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 each.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
electricity
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production
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 pattern in both countries varied during the two decades, with
France
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adopted
Wrong verb form
adopting
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 cleaner energy sources,
while
Linking Words
Australia
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sticked
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stuck
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 to the traditional way of
electricity
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production
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.
Submitted by nightrkatsiteli on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall, while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 70%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words units, electricity, australia, france, production, figure, oil, gas, power with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "dramatically" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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