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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The pie charts below show units of electricity production by fuel source in Australia and France in 1980 and 2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie charts below show units of electricity production by fuel source in Australia and France in 1980 and 2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #units #electricity #production #fuel #source #australia #france #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The pie charts
offers
Change the verb form
offer
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 a comparative analysis of the
units
 of
electricity
 by fuel source in
Australia
 and
France
 in 1980 and 2000. The total
production
 in both countries increased during the period, with the
figure
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
Australia
raised
Verb problem
rising
show examples
 from 100
units
 in 1980 to 170
units
 in 2000,
while
France
doubling
Wrong verb form
doubled
show examples
 its 1980
figure
 in 2000 to 180
units
 in total. More precisely, in
Australia
, coal
comprising
Wrong verb form
comprised
show examples
 half of the total
production
 in 1980, with
oil
, natural
gas
 and
hydro
Correct your spelling
hydropower
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power
 sharing the rest 50
units
, with 20
units
, 20
units
 and 10
units
 respectively. In 2000, the
figure
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 coal raised dramatically to 130
units
, with
hydro
Correct your spelling
hydropower
show examples
power
incresed
Correct your spelling
increased
 slightly to 36
units
.
Conversely
,
oil
 and natural
gas
 produced much less
electricity
 than before, both contributed 2
units
repectively
Correct your spelling
respectively
.
Situation
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The situation
show examples
 was different in
France
. Coal,
oil
, natural
gas
 and nuclear
power
 evenly shared the total
production
, with each around 20
units
 in 1980. Two decades later,
electricity
 produced by nuclear
power
 grew significantly to 126
units
 of an
overall
 180
units
, about 3/4 of the whole. Meanwhile, the
figure
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
oil
 and coal remained stable, with
hydro
Correct your spelling
hydropower
show examples
power
 and natural
gas
drop
Wrong verb form
dropping
show examples
 dramatically to 2
units
 each.
Overall
, the
electricity
production
 pattern in both countries varied during the two decades, with
France
adopted
Wrong verb form
adopting
show examples
 cleaner energy sources,
while
Australia
sticked
Correct your spelling
stuck
show examples
 to the traditional way of
electricity
production
.
Submitted by nightrkatsiteli on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall, while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 70%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words units, electricity, australia, france, production, figure, oil, gas, power with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "dramatically" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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