IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Leaders and directors in an organization are normally older people. Some people think younger leaders would be better. Do you agree or disagree?

#leaders #directors #organization #people
In today’s rapidly evolving world, the debate over whether older or younger individuals make better
leaders
 in
organizations
 is ongoing.
While
 some argue that experience and wisdom often come with age, others contend that younger
leaders
 bring fresh perspectives and innovative thinking to the table. In my opinion, both age groups possess unique strengths, but a blend of youthful
vigor
Change the spelling
vigour
show examples
 and seasoned expertise can get the most effective leadership outcomes. On the one hand, older
leaders
 typically bring a wealth of experience which was garnered over years of overcoming diverse obstacles in their field. Their experienced judgment and ability to foresee potential pitfalls can be invaluable in guiding an organization through turbulent times.
Furthermore
, they have many networks and deep industry knowledge, which can open doors and facilitate strategic partnerships.
However
, the dynamic nature of today’s business demands agility and adaptability, and these qualities indicate younger
leaders
. Their willingness to acquire new skills and pursue cutting-edge technologies can support innovation and the development of
organizations
.
Moreover
, younger people have enough time to face
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
difficult issues and learn about their mistakes. In conclusion, the debate over whether older or younger
leaders
 are better suited for
organizations
 is multifaceted.
While
 older
leaders
 bring experience and wisdom, younger
leaders
 offer innovation and adaptability. I believe that by embracing a diverse range of
leaders
 and fostering collaboration,
organizations
 can thrive in today’s dynamic business environment.
Submitted by Name_1234 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

general
Your essay presents a well-structured argument with a clear introduction and conclusion. It effectively discusses both sides of the argument, which makes your position comprehensive and nuanced.
task achievement
To improve task achievement, integrating more specific examples to substantiate your points could make your argument even more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Consider enhancing your essay with transitional phrases to seamlessly connect ideas and paragraphs, reinforcing the overall flow of your argument.
task response
You have done a great job of presenting a balanced view, acknowledging the strengths of both older and younger leaders in the organizational context.
coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates clear coherence and cohesion, with a logical flow of ideas that supports your thesis effectively.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the argument, reinforcing your viewpoint and encouraging a compromise between the experience of older leaders and the innovativeness of younger leaders.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!