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Writing Samples
Band 5

The chart shows the average number of hours each day that Chinese, American, Turkish and Brazilian tourists spent doing leisure activities while on holiday in Greece in August 2019. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart shows the average number of hours each day that Chinese, American, Turkish and Brazilian tourists spent doing leisure activities while on holiday in Greece in August 2019. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#hours #chinese #american #turkish #brazilian #tourists #leisure #activities #holiday #greece #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The bar chart compares the
hours
Use synonyms
 spent by people from different countries for various activities during their vacation in
Greece
Use synonyms
 in August 2019. The visitor's nationalities are China, America, Turkey, and Brazil.
Overall
Linking Words
, Chinese and American visitors enjoyed reading books during their holiday,
whereas
Linking Words
 Turkish and Brazilian found that visiting
beach
Correct article usage
the beach
show examples
 was the most interesting thing.
Linking Words
While
Correct word choice
Similarly
show examples
similarly
Linking Words
, all of the visitors
were
Verb problem
apply
show examples
rarely
visiting
Wrong verb form
visited
show examples
 places in
Greece
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, reading books
while
Linking Words
holiday
Change preposition
on holiday
show examples
 in
Greece
Use synonyms
 was the most popular activity for people coming from China and the United States, with time spent at 8 and 5
hours
Use synonyms
, respectively. They
also
Linking Words
 loved
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
exploring
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Greece
Use synonyms
's
beach
Fix the agreement mistake
beaches
show examples
. On
this
Linking Words
 occasion, the
American
Fix the agreement mistake
Americans
show examples
 spent more time with
allocation
Correct article usage
an allocation
show examples
 time of 5
hours
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
Chinese
Correct article usage
the Chinese
show examples
 only 3
hours
Use synonyms
.
Finally
Linking Words
, visiting places in
Greece
Use synonyms
 was the least favourable activity, with 3
hours
Use synonyms
 for American and only 1 hour for Chinese.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, Turkish and Brazilian tourists went to
beach
Add an article
the beach
show examples
 a lot, with
average
Add an article
the average
an average
show examples
at
Change preposition
of
show examples
 5 and 6
hours
Use synonyms
, followed by reading books
with
Change preposition
for
show examples
 4
hours
Use synonyms
 for both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nationalities.
Lastly
Linking Words
, when it comes
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 visiting places, it accounted
only
Change preposition
for only
show examples
 3 and 2
hours
Use synonyms
 for Turkey and Brazil citizens.
Submitted by evaagustine11 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words hours, greece with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 2 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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