Many people today are worried about young children using video games. What problems might these games cause for children and society as a whole? How could these problems be reduced?
The debate about young children spending huge
amount
of Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
time
playing video games is
Verb problem
has
becoming
very popular recently, I will Wrong verb form
become
the
state the reasons behind Correct article usage
apply
this
problem as well as
I will give some solutions for it in this
article.
First of all, the current generation spending
Replace the word
spends
time
more than ever in
playing video games Change preposition
apply
in
Change preposition
on
a popular platforms
, Correct the article-noun agreement
popular platforms
a popular platform
such
as Playstation, Xbox and PC, the reasons
behind Fix the agreement mistake
reason
that is
because
video games distract them from Correct word choice
that
the
reality and give Correct article usage
apply
the
people Correct pronoun usage
them the
freedom
to become a hero Add an article
the freedom
amoung
Correct your spelling
among
other thing
. Change the wording
another thing
other things
Moreover
, gaming is considered one of the top thing
many people like to do now, Change to a plural noun
things
specially
with the advanced technology and great devices, Replace the word
especially
as a result
, it will be their fun time
and it will make them forget about their school or job stress and make it a happy time
for them.
Secondly
and even more importantly, this
big problem that affect
Change the verb form
affects
the
society as a whole can be improved by just doing Correct article usage
apply
a
Remove the article
apply
time
management, it does not matter wether
it Correct your spelling
whether
was
for a kid or an adult. Wrong verb form
is
For example
, a study that was released 5 years ago from Taibah university
mentioned that managing Capitalize word
University
time
and deviding
it for family, school, work and playing Correct your spelling
dividing
is
actually increases Unnecessary verb
apply
the
productivity 30% more than just randomly doing things, Correct article usage
apply
in addition
, it will imrove
their mental health as they spend the required amount of Correct your spelling
improve
time
for each of their personal need.
To conclude
, taking a break off
from reality is important for our mental health. Change preposition
apply
However
, the amount of time
should be limited, and the
society as a whole should learn more about Correct article usage
apply
time
management.Submitted by WALED6006 on
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Grammar and Clarity
Consider revising for smaller grammatical errors and improving sentence structures to enhance clarity.
Coherence
Use a variety of linking words to better connect your ideas and paragraphs.
Development
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and is developed with relevant details and examples.
Grammar
Review the use of articles, as there are some inconsistencies (e.g., 'a popular platforms' should be 'popular platforms').
Supporting Examples
Incorporate more specific examples and data to strengthen your arguments and make your essay more persuasive.
Structure
The introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively frame the essay.
Task Response
Your essay addresses the topic comprehensively, covering both problems and solutions.
Coherence and Cohesion
Good use of paragraphs to structure your essay and separate different ideas.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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