IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Unemployment remains the biggest challenge to school leavers in most countries. How far do you agree with this assessment?

#unemployment #challenge #school #leavers #countries
It is an undeniable fact that unemployment remains one of the global challenges faced by today’s generation. Owing to the economic crisis, in many
countries
, people are suffering from joblessness. I completely agree with
this
, which I would like to explain
further
 in the upcoming paragraphs. First and foremost, there is a job shortage due
Change preposition
to
show examples
urban sprawl and the increase in population.
However
 , in developing
countries
, the government and authorities find it difficult to assign jobs to most of the population . To exemplify, many students from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
prominent universities were not provided placements.
As a result
, the situation for most of the school dropouts will be worse than for the educated students. Most of the school dropouts lack the skillsets required for a skilled worker.
Furthermore
, the unemployment situation can lead to social unrest and economic instability in a nation.
Overall
, these unskilled workers are likely to migrate to foreign
countries
.
Additionally
, there is the matter of their existence.
Subsequently
, a country suffers from brain drain.
For instance
, most of the younger people in Kerala would like to settle down in Western
countries
. They like to settle in foreign places for a better standard of living. In conclusion,
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 and authority can provide job opportunities for these dropout
population
Fix the agreement mistake
populations
show examples
. I strongly believe that individuals can educate themselves and set measures to tackle these problems.
Submitted by crpnivedya.prasannan on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and the supporting ideas are directly linked to it. This helps in maintaining the flow and coherence of your argument.
task achievement
Providing specific examples to support your arguments can significantly strengthen your essay. Consider incorporating more detailed examples from credible sources or hypothetical scenarios that directly relate to the impacts of unemployment.
language
Be mindful of grammatical accuracy and aim for variety in sentence structures to enhance the readability and sophistication of your essay.
structure
You have provided a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your argument.
coherence
Good use of transitional phrases to connect ideas smoothly, enhancing the overall flow of your essay.
task response
Your essay addresses the task directly and presents a reasoned argument in agreement with the statement, demonstrating good understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: