Nowadays, children watch a lot of TV and play video games. However, some think that these activities are not beneficial for a child’s mental health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Some people think that watching
a
Correct article usage
apply
TV
and playing video games
are not beneficial for the mental health
of children
. I strongly agree with the statement because spending excessive
amount of Add an article
an excessive
time
on
watching Change preposition
apply
TV
instils the
negative thoughts into a child's brain, and online gaming prevents Correct article usage
apply
children
from having physical activities that are important for their mental growth
.
Spending a longer period of time
on TV
means remaining attuned to the flow of information being depicted. This
teaches children
the bad and good aspects of the society. Moreover
, children
's minds are more vulnerable, and they are at an impressionable age. So, they are unable to differentiate the good and bad things that they watch from
Change preposition
on
a
Correct article usage
apply
TV
, leading their minds towards imbibing negative aspects such
as robbery, nudity, crimes and so on. Such
negative learnings
inhibits a Fix the agreement mistake
learning
childs'
mental Change noun form
child's
growth
due to
the lackness
of Correct your spelling
lack
positive
mindset. Add an article
a positive
For example
, those children
who watch more TV
, specifically age restricted
videos, and lack support from their parents are less likely to maintain their mental Add a hyphen
age-restricted
health
under control.
The primary reason why playing video games
is not helpful for the mental health
of children
is the lack of physical movement. Sitting on a chair for prolonged
period prevents Correct article usage
a prolonged
children
from performing outdoor games
and other activities that are imperative for the
mental Correct article usage
apply
health
. These days children
spend excessive amount
of Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
time
on
playing computer Change preposition
apply
games
, which not only lacks the
mental Correct article usage
apply
growth
but also
an
Correct article usage
the
overall
development of a child. For instance
, it is scientifically proved
that any kind of physical Correct your spelling
proven
exercises
helps us improve mental wellbeing. Fix the agreement mistake
exercise
Thus
, I think that watching a
Correct article usage
apply
TV
and playing online games
are not beneficial for the mental health
of youth.
In conclusion, although
watching a
Correct article usage
apply
TV
and playing video games
may seem important for the growth
of children
, I think that performing these activities for a longer period of time
is not beneficial for a child's mental wellbeing
because a Correct your spelling
well-being
TV
caters negative
aspects of the society , and sitting for over hours means lack of Change preposition
to negative
phyical
exercises that are vital for the mental Correct your spelling
physical
health
.Submitted by gauravkalathiya123 on
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task achievement
Consider diversifying your examples to strengthen your argument. While you provided relevant examples, incorporating a wider range of instances or adding more detail can enrich your argument further.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence, aim to link ideas more smoothly within paragraphs. Utilising a variety of transitional phrases can improve the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to repetition in your vocabulary. Expanding your lexical resource with synonyms and related terms can prevent repetition and make your essay more engaging.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively frame your argument.
task achievement
You present a strong stance and consistently support it throughout your essay, demonstrating good task achievement.