IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Governments are encouraging industries and businesses to move from large cities to the regional areas. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? Regional areas advantages - more employment and resources available , disadvantage - deteriorate natural beauty and pollution.

#governments #industries #businesses #move #cities #areas #employment #resources #beauty #pollution
Nowadays , government bodies are recommending bigger industries
as well as
 businesses to
develope
Correct your spelling
develop
 in smaller
areas
 .
Although
this
 movement can show
effect
Add an article
the effect
an effect
show examples
 on
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
 , I believe the benefits outweigh the drawbacks because more
employment
opportnities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 will be available. The most common problem
can be
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 deforestation .
Due to cutting
Change preposition
Cutting
show examples
 down
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
trees in a particular
area
 might
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
lead to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 lack of oxygen in the air which
result
Correct subject-verb agreement
results
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 abundant amount of harmful gases in the
area
 , eventually ,
people
 could suffer from health issues like breathing problems and anxiety.
Besides
this
 ,
natural
Correct article usage
the natural
show examples
 landscape of the particular
area
 might be destroyed after
industralisation
Correct your spelling
industrialisation
industrialization
,
as
Correct word choice
and as
show examples
 a consequence , that district might lose its uniqueness .
However
 , I believe that
development
Correct article usage
the development
show examples
 of the regional
areas
provide
Change the verb form
provides
show examples
 benefits in
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
show examples
 of
employment
. The major advantage is that the
people
 will get a lot of
employment
opportunities
 in their
area
 ,so, they do not need to move to urban
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 search of
employment
 . Many
people
 leave their
area
 in order to find better
opportunities
 in the large cities to earn better
wage
Fix the agreement mistake
wages
show examples
 for their family members . If big industries
would
Verb problem
were
show examples
 set up in the
reginal
Correct your spelling
regional
areas
then
 it would be beneficial for
loacal
Correct your spelling
local
people
 because they
can
Wrong verb form
could
show examples
 save time and money by searching
job
Change preposition
for job
show examples
opportunities
 in their
area
 .
For example
 ,
due to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
large scale
Add a hyphen
large-scale
show examples
 businesses like
McDonald
Change noun form
McDonald's
show examples
 are
boon
Correct article usage
a boon
show examples
 to regional
people
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 providing local
people
 work so they do not need to leave their families in order to earn
basic
Add an article
a basic
show examples
 income. In conclusion , states are flourishing these big businesses and industries
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 smaller
areas
 so that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
employment
opportunities
 will be available to all human beings despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 harmful effect on
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
 and
fear
Correct article usage
the fear
show examples
 of losing
natural
Correct article usage
the natural
show examples
 beauty of that
area
. For these reasons,
positives
Correct article usage
the positives
show examples
 far outnumber the negatives.
Submitted by kmlchahal97 on

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Structure
Make sure your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Use paragraphing effectively to separate different ideas.
Linking
To improve coherence, try to use a range of linking devices to connect ideas within and across paragraphs. This helps to guide the reader through your argument more smoothly.
Development
While addressing both advantages and disadvantages, ensure to develop your ideas fully. This involves providing detailed explanations, examples, or evidence to support each point.
Task Response
Your essay successfully presents an opinion and addresses the topic question directly. To further enhance task achievement, ensure that all parts of the task prompt are fully addressed with a balanced discussion before stating your position.
Position
You have presented a clear stance on the subject, effectively arguing that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
Balanced Discussion
Your essay includes both advantages and disadvantages, which is commendable for a balanced discussion.
Example Use
Use of example, like McDonald’s, to support your point about employment opportunities in the regional areas effectively illustrates your argument.
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