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Band 4

The graphs below compare the number of cosmetic procedures performed on males and females in Korea in 2004. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graphs below compare the number of cosmetic procedures performed on males and females in Korea in 2004. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The figures illustrate how many individuals in Korea went through a
number
Use synonyms
 of cosmetic
operations
Use synonyms
 in 2004.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that
Korean
Use synonyms
 females favour these procedures significantly more than
Korean
Use synonyms
 males.
In addition
Linking Words
, there is a considerable difference in
types
Correct article usage
the types
show examples
 of popular
operations
Use synonyms
 between the genders. Regarding
Korean
Use synonyms
 women, about 320,000 of them
did
Verb problem
had
show examples
 Eyelid surgery( highest
number
Use synonyms
)
while
Linking Words
 only a mere about 120,000
were
Verb problem
had
show examples
 operated Liposuction( lowest
number
Use synonyms
). Rhinoplasty at about 280,000 ranks
second,
Linking Words
followed by Laser
skin
Capitalize word
Skin
show examples
 Resurfacing and Breast
Enlargerment
Correct your spelling
enlargement
 at just above 200,000 and around 150,000 respectively. Hair
Transpilantation
Correct your spelling
Transplantation
 stands at the top rank with 60,000 for
Korean
Use synonyms
 males and Lasser skin resurfacing closely following with just about 5000 lower in
number
Use synonyms
. 40,000 of
Use synonyms
korean
Change the capitalization
Korean
show examples
 men went through Rhinoplasty in 2004, making it the third
popular
Correct quantifier usage
most popular
show examples
. And
finally
Linking Words
, with marginally
bellow
Correct your spelling
below
show examples
 20 thousand and about 18 thousand, Abdominoplasty and Liposuction are the least relatively popular
operations
Use synonyms
 respectively. It is
also
Linking Words
 notable that Rhinoplasty and Lasser skin resurfacing
along with
Linking Words
 Liposuction are among common
operations
Use synonyms
 in both sexes.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, operations, korean with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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