IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below shows the proportion of income spent on 4 common items in the UK in 1998. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below shows the proportion of income spent on 4 common items in the UK in 1998. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The given table illustrates where people spent their
money
Use synonyms
 on different items by gender and age in
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 Kingdom in 1998.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clearly seen that adults tended to spend their
money
Use synonyms
 more on food,
while
Linking Words
 the largest expenditure among children was music. In detail, the largest expenditure on food was from women,
consisted
Wrong verb form
consisting
show examples
 of 39%.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, 14% of men spent their
money
Use synonyms
 on food, which was followed by boys and girls. Regarding purchasing electronic
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
, it is noteworthy that males had
stronger
Correct article usage
a stronger
show examples
 preference than females regardless of age. The percentage of male adults and male children who spent on electronic devices was
each
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
10% and 18%,
while
Linking Words
 only 1% of women and 5% of girls purchased electronic items. Turning to the figure for music, it is noticeable that children showed
strong
Correct article usage
a strong
show examples
 preference
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 spending their
money
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 music compared to adults regardless of gender.
In addition
Linking Words
, the percentage of boys and girls who spent their
money
Use synonyms
 on videos was 18% and 17%, respectively,
whereas
Linking Words
 the
least
Correct word choice
lowest
show examples
 proportion of men and women who spent on those was only 2% and 0.5%, respectively.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words money with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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