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Band 3

some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main sbjects. other believe it is more important to give all their time and attendtion to studying for qualifications. discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#university #students #subjects #addition #sbjects #time #attendtion #qualifications
Education is the most powerful asset of a person . Educated youth is the backbone of the society. Education is the key to success
therefore
 in the midst of change , people are eager to ace as many as
subjects
 they can . In the present scenario, society has been divided into two different groups as per distinct mindsets of different peoples. Where a colossal number of people claim to learn many additional
subjects
besides
 the main academic
subjects
 to gain knowledge meanwhile ,
on the contrary
 , some communities Accord that it is better to stay focused on their main
subjects
 . There is a range of conflicting arguments related to the assertion. In the succeeding monograph , I intend to delve into the rationale for both beliefs
as well as
 proffer examples to justify my point of view
Submitted by shyamal017 on

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task response
Your essay has a clear introduction; however, an explicit thesis statement outlining your personal stance on this topic would make your introduction stronger. Consider explicitly stating your opinion in the introduction and conclusion for clarity.
task response
While you have touched upon the two viewpoints, exploring these views with more depth, by adding more detailed examples and explanations, would enhance your response. This would help in fully developing your arguments and increasing the task achievement score.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay shows an attempt to structure your ideas logically, but it can be improved. Try to divide your essay into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a specific idea or viewpoint. Consider using topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader through your discussion more effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Use more transition words and phrases to link ideas and paragraphs more smoothly. This will help improve the flow of your essay and make your arguments more coherent.
task response
You've initiated a broad discussion on the topic, showing awareness of different perspectives.
coherence and cohesion
The language you've used is largely appropriate for the essay, contributing positively to the overall readability of your response.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • diversify
  • expand
  • academic pursuits
  • well-rounded education
  • multidisciplinary approach
  • comprehensive understanding
  • broaden one's horizons
  • acquire new skills
  • develop critical thinking
  • resolve complex issues
  • boost employability
  • strengthen one's foundation
  • pursue personal growth
  • achieve career success
  • strike a balance
  • gain an edge
  • mainstream subjects
  • narrow-minded
  • rigorous studying
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