IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse- gas emission which result from this energy use. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse- gas emission which result from this energy use. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#first #energy #australian #household #second #greenhouse- #gas #emission #summarise #information #features #comparisons
It is undeniable truth that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
punishment
Play
Correct subject-verb agreement
Plays
show examples
crucial
Correct article usage
a crucial
show examples
 role
Change preposition
in developmens
show examples
developmens
Correct your spelling
development
developments
as well as
 aiding to
create
Replace the word
creation
show examples
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 share of
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
young
Correct article usage
a young
show examples
age
.
However
, myriad individuals think that
punishment
 is
must
Correct article usage
a must
show examples
 to have the knowledge of wrong and right to
children
. I completely agree with
this
 and I will uphold my point of view in the upcoming Paragraphs with
Correct your spelling
ample
emple
Correct your spelling
examples
 examples The first and foremost reason to support my thinking is
,
Correct word choice
that, starting
show examples
starting
Correct article usage
the starting
show examples
age
 of every
Children
Change to a singular noun
Child
show examples
 is the
age
 of shaping their behaviour
as well as
 their mindset .
In other words
, young ase Impart fast learning skills
as well as
 quick
adeptation
Correct your spelling
adaptation
 to every
offsprings
Change to a singular noun
offspring
show examples
.
For Instance
, if a
kind
Correct your spelling
kid
show examples
throw
Change the verb form
throws
show examples
 a toy on T.V ,
then
 the Parent should take the
childs
Change noun form
child's
show examples
 favourite toy for several minutes,
hence
 the
Child
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 the Idea
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
nor
repeate
Correct your spelling
repeating
 the same thing
againg
Correct your spelling
again
 and
remember
Wrong verb form
remembering
show examples
Punishment
. Another factor which
advocate
Change the verb form
advocates
show examples
me
Change preposition
for me
show examples
 to uphold
Punishment
 is
developing
Correct article usage
the developing
show examples
age
 of
Children
. In simple words, your
age
 is the Period of time which
proffer
Correct subject-verb agreement
proffers
show examples
 directation to the offspring. Suppose a
child
 is playing games
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
mobile
Correct article usage
a mobile
show examples
Phone
Fix capitalization
phone
show examples
instead
 of doing homework
of
Change preposition
at
show examples
 school,
hence
, the parent should take the mobile phone away and give it to
child
Add an article
a child
the child
show examples
 if homework is complete,
otherwise
 no game. on the other side, numerous humans think that
Punishment
create
Change the verb form
creates
show examples
 a wrong image of
parentes
Correct your spelling
parents
as well as
 teachers too,
beacuse
Correct your spelling
because
Punishment
 has the power to kill the natural Skills of
child
Add an article
the child
a child
show examples
as well as
 put pressure
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
child's
Correct article usage
the child's
show examples
 mind.
Moreover
, Physical
Punish- ment
Correct your spelling
Punishment
show examples
 is the reason for many offspring to feel fear all
time
Correct article usage
the time
show examples
.
To sum up
,
Punishment
 has the power to make
children
 in
discpline
Correct your spelling
discipline
 and to stay in their
boundries
Correct your spelling
boundaries
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
their
Change the word
a
show examples
younger
Correct word choice
young
show examples
age
.
However
 Physical or heavy
Punishment
 must be avoided. because it
creat
Correct your spelling
creates
show examples
 several negative
effect
Change to a plural noun
effects
show examples
 on
offspring's
Correct article usage
the offspring's
show examples
 mind. Parents and
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
 should bestow
Punish ment
Correct your spelling
Punishment
 as per their activities.
Submitted by akshayashvi07 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "as well as, hence, however".
▼
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the first paragraph.
▼
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
▼
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
▼
Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words punishment, age, children, child with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 2 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the first paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: