The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend.

The surge in
Correct article usage
the numbers
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numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
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of children becoming obese is significant in
western
Capitalize word
Western
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countries, and it is a matter of concern for the government and parents.
This
essay will delve into the reasons behind
this
cause and will discuss
adverse
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the adverse
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effects of
this
problem. No one cast a shadow of doubt on
increase
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the increase
an increase
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in
number
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a number
the number
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of overweight children, the prime factors behind
this
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these
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circumstances are unhealthy dietary habits and
least
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the least
show examples
physical activity.
In other words
, nowadays, youngsters prefer
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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junk foods with oit and sugars over eating healthy;
as a result
,
individual
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individuals
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gains
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gain
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weight. Alternatively,
due to
poverty parents are unable to provide healthy meals and
child
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the child
show examples
has to rely on cheaper food like chips and burgers.
Nevertheless
,
due to
pervasive
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the pervasive
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use of smart
devices
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devices,
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off-springs avoid physical games,
this
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which
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results in a sedentary lifestyle
On the other hand
,
sedentary
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a sedentary
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lifestyle
further
results in a disease like diabetes type 2, obesity and thyroid.
Moreover
, obese
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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at greater risk of mental illness and bullies. To explain, a
child
with overweight feels dissatisfied with his body, and their
self confidence
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self-confidence
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starts to decline. In schools and other places other kids
bullies
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bully them
show examples
by calling them fat and so more. Eventually,
this
leads to
a
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apply
show examples
isolation or overeating.
Furthermore
,
in
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
obese
person
Change noun form
person's
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heart has to work harder to maintain blood flow in
entire
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the entire
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body;
due to
this
, obesity leads to
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
fatal heart disease. Treatment of heart disease
also
creates
burden
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a burden
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on the government, as the government has to fund
a
Correct article usage
the
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treatment of a
child
.
To conclude
, The major reasons behind
increasing
Add an article
the increasing
an increasing
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number of overweight children are unhealthy dietary habits and lack of exercise. Eventually,
this
results in
a lifelong and fatal diseases
Correct the article-noun agreement
lifelong and fatal diseases
a lifelong and fatal disease
show examples
and denying
self-esteem
Correct article usage
the self-esteem
show examples
of a
child
and it burdens the legislation.
Submitted by patel2dhruvil202 on

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Clarity
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Specific Examples
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Grammar
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Content Understanding
Effectively identified key causes and effects related to the topic, demonstrating a strong understanding.
Relevance
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  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • overweight
  • obesity
  • caloric intake
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • screen time
  • physical education
  • nutritious
  • psychological well-being
  • self-esteem
  • socioeconomic
  • healthcare system
  • life expectancy
  • obesity-related complications
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