The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.

#bar #percentage #australian #men #women #age #groups #activity

The graph below depicts

2010

Correct article usage

the 2010

show examples

rate of men and

women

who did regular physical

activity

in Australia in 2010, grouped by

age

. As is observed from the chart,

although

the majority of men

age

Wrong verb form

aged

show examples

between 15 to 24, do regular physical

activity

, in the later

age

group

women

have

the

Correct article usage

show examples

higher percentage. Australian male’s percentage of

doing

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

daily exercise is the highest

Change preposition

show examples

age

Fix the agreement mistake

ages

show examples

15 to 24,

Change preposition

show examples

52.8 %.

However

, it’s dropping gradually to the second and third

group

Fix the agreement mistake

groups

show examples

, by 42.2 and 39.5 %, respectively. Over

age

45, exercise rates rebound and rise steadily, with 43.1 %. 45.1 % for

Correct pronoun usage

those age

show examples

age

Wrong verb form

aged

show examples

55 to 64, and 46.7 % for

over

Correct determiner usage

those over

show examples

65 years old.

On the other hand

australian

Change the capitalization

Australian

show examples

women

have a different pattern. At the start of the timeframe, only 47.7 % do regular physical

activity

. It slowly

increase

Wrong verb form

increased

show examples

and peaked in

age

45 to 54 with 53.3 %.

However

, it’s slowly declining and

at the end

of the timeframe, the percentage of

women

doing regular physical

activity

is only 47.1 %.

Submitted by ridhokholis9a on Wed Apr 17 2024

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".

▼

Contractions: Don't use contractions.

▼

Vocabulary: Replace the words women, activity, age with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "slowly" was used 2 times.

▼

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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4Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

172 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Physical activity
Regular exercise
Age demographics
Participation rate
Trend analysis
Gender disparity
Health initiatives
Public health policies
Statistical comparison
Lifestyle choices
Work commitments
Age-related factors
Preventative health
Exercise habits
Surveillance data
Motivators and barriers

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The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

These days many young people are spending less time doing outdoor activities such as hiking, mountain climbing, and enjoying nature. What are the reasons for this? How can we encourage them to do more of these activities?

You recently attended a meeting at a hotel. When you returned home, you found you had left some important papers at the hotel. Write a letter to the manager of the hotel. -Explain the problem. -Say why the documents are important. -Suggest a solution.

The best way to make roads safer is to make vehicle drivers take a driving test each year.

Many people think it is the government’s responsibility to ensure the provision of good health care for everyone in the community and that each individual should be cared for by State medical programmes. To what extent do you agree with this opinion?