The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.
The graph below depicts
2010
rate of men and Correct article usage
the 2010
women
who did regular physical activity
in Australia in 2010, grouped by age
.
As is observed from the chart, although
the majority of men age
between 15 to 24, do regular physical Wrong verb form
aged
activity
, in the later age
group women
have the
higher percentage.
Australian male’s percentage of Correct article usage
a
doing
daily exercise is the highest Unnecessary verb
apply
in
Change preposition
at
age
15 to 24, Fix the agreement mistake
ages
by
52.8 %. Change preposition
at
However
, it’s dropping gradually to the second and third group
, by 42.2 and 39.5 %, respectively. Over Fix the agreement mistake
groups
age
45, exercise rates rebound and rise steadily, with 43.1 %. 45.1 % for Correct pronoun usage
those age
age
55 to 64, and 46.7 % for Wrong verb form
aged
over
65 years old.
Correct determiner usage
those over
On the other hand
, australian
Change the capitalization
Australian
women
have a different pattern. At the start of the timeframe, only 47.7 % do regular physical activity
. It slowly increase
and peaked in Wrong verb form
increased
age
45 to 54 with 53.3 %. However
, it’s slowly declining and at the end
of the timeframe, the percentage of women
doing regular physical activity
is only 47.1 %.Submitted by ridhokholis9a on
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Contractions: Don't use contractions.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words women, activity, age with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slowly" was used 2 times.
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