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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph below shows the avarage monthly temperatures in three major cities. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.

The line graph below shows the avarage monthly temperatures in three major cities. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.
#line #avarage #temperatures #three #cities #summarise #information #features #comparison
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The line graph illustrates the
Use synonyms
avarage
Correct your spelling
average
 monthly
temperature
Use synonyms
 in
Paris
Use synonyms
,
Dubai
Use synonyms
 and
Sydney
Use synonyms
 from January to December.
Dependin
Correct your spelling
Depending
 on
data
Correct article usage
the data
show examples
,
Dubai
Use synonyms
 and
Paris
Use synonyms
 have
increasing
Correct article usage
an increasing
show examples
 scale for
temperature
Use synonyms
 for the beginning of the year, and both
cities
Use synonyms
shows
Change the verb form
show
show examples
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 peak
August
Change preposition
in August
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
results
Correct article usage
the results
show examples
 show that, both
cities
Use synonyms
 are experiencing
downfall
Correct article usage
a downfall
show examples
 for the end of the year.
Although
Linking Words
, in
case
Correct article usage
the case
show examples
 of
Sydney
Use synonyms
 starting has
steady
Correct article usage
a steady
show examples
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
 as the other
cities
Use synonyms
,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it reaches its lowest
temperature
Use synonyms
 in July and gradually towards
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
December
Sydney
Use synonyms
 becomes on top of
increase
Correct article usage
the increase
show examples
.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
Dubai
Use synonyms
 and
Paris
Use synonyms
 have steady
beginning
Fix the agreement mistake
beginnings
show examples
respectfully
Replace the word
respectively
show examples
 19 and 5
Use synonyms
celcius
Correct your spelling
celsius
.
Expected
Correct article usage
The expected
show examples
 top result for both
cities
Use synonyms
 appears in June,
while
Linking Words
Dubai
Use synonyms
leading
Wrong verb form
leads
show examples
 the scale of statistics with over 35
celcius
Use synonyms
, and
Paris
Use synonyms
following
Wrong verb form
follows
show examples
 with
steady
Correct article usage
a steady
show examples
Use synonyms
avarage
Correct your spelling
average
 of 20
Use synonyms
celcius
Change the capitalization
Celcius
show examples
.
Downfall
Replace the word
The downward
show examples
 trend for
temperature
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
avarage
Correct your spelling
average
 happens in December.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it becomes
opposite
Correct article usage
the opposite
show examples
 for
Sydney
Use synonyms
 as
city
Add an article
the city
show examples
 faces its start
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 25
Use synonyms
celcius
Correct your spelling
celsius
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
while
Linking Words
being
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 with
Dubai
Use synonyms
 and
Paris
Use synonyms
. For the ongoing July period city performs with the lowest
temperature
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
avarage
Correct your spelling
average
 of below 15
degree
Change to a plural noun
degrees
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, closer to the end of the year it is visible from the data that
Sydney
Use synonyms
 leads the ranking
while
Linking Words
 surpassing
Dubai
Use synonyms
 with a few
Use synonyms
celcius
Correct your spelling
celsius
 more.
Submitted by musayevjahangir on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words avarage, temperature, paris, dubai, sydney, cities, celcius with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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