Some people say history is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today’s world subjects like science and technology are more important than history. Discuss both views and give tour own opinion.

In these modern days, some individuals argue
History
is quite crucial as
a
Change the article
an
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education subject, others believe
Science
and
Technology
are more valuable and relevant. In
this
essay, I will explain both of these views and give my opinion. On one hand,
History
tell
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tells
show examples
us about what happened in the past, in Indonesia mostly
told
Wrong verb form
tells
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us about our
ancestor
Fix the agreement mistake
ancestors
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struggle for independence and the
indonesian
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Indonesian
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primitive society. I believe learning about
Correct article usage
a nation
show examples
nation
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nation's
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history
is crucial.
Besides
gain
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gaining
show examples
knowledges
Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
show examples
around
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about
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the stories, we can grasp the determination and other emotions from
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. We may
also
get some approaches to solve problems in the
future
,
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apply
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because histories repeat itself. An example
for
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of
show examples
this
is how repeatable
recession
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recessions
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are and how we might prepare and approach
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
On the other hand
,
Science
and
Technology
are the
future
. It enables us to discover and invent to solve our today issues.
Additionally
, it
also
provide
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provides
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us with knowledge to learn, treat, and optimize what we have.
For example
, nowadays we learn the root cause of earth’s pollution and minimize it by changing our power plant energy source,
regulate
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regulating
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transportation, and even
minimize
Wrong verb form
minimising
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the carbon production from farming by creating meat imitation. By prioritizing
Science
and
Technology
, we can improve human civilization and provide
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
future
.
In
Change preposition
From
show examples
my perspective, I believe that
History
is important but not as important
to
Change preposition
as
show examples
Science
and
Technology
. We should still learn about national
history
but the others are not quite important.
Furthermore
, we should prioritize
Science
and
Technology
more to improve our living and prepare our
future
.
Submitted by ridhokholis9a on

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Task Achievement
To further improve your score, consider developing your examples with more detail and depth, particularly in discussing the importance and impact of science and technology.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on refining the clarity and conciseness of your sentences to enhance readability and coherence.
Task Achievement
While your position is clear, elaborating more on the contrast and comparison between the importance of history versus science and technology could enhance your argument's complexity and depth.
Task Achievement
You have effectively introduced both sides of the argument, providing a balanced view before stating your own opinion.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay follows a logical structure, with clear paragraphs dedicated to discussing each view as well as your own opinion.
Task Achievement
You've used relevant examples to support your points about the importance of both history and science and technology.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your views, reinforcing the standpoint you've taken in the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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