IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

With the increasing demand for energy sources of oil and gas, people should look for sources of oil and gas in remote and untouched natural places. Do the advantages outweigh disadvantages of damaging such areas？

#demand #energy #sources #oil #gas #people #places #areas？
Human beings need to search
energy
Change preposition
for energy
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 and
gas
 supplies from
distance
Correct article usage
a distance
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, and
that
Correct pronoun usage
those
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 places should not be used before, because of growing the demand
energy
Change preposition
for energy
show examples
 sources of oil and
gas
.
This
 essay will discuss why
pros
Correct article usage
the pros
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 could not be as important as
cons
Correct article usage
the cons
show examples
. Nowadays
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 rate is increasing rapidly,
as
Correct word choice
and as
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 a
result
Add the comma(s)
result,
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 people need more and more resources for their daily life, especially energy sources,
such
 as
,
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apply
show examples
 oil and
gas
.
Hence
, in recent years, we have been struggling to find and use that kind of
materials
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material
show examples
.
However
, human beings could
also
 face more serious and dangerous problems with
environment
Add an article
the environment
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,
as a result
 of consuming so much amount of fossil fuels.
For instance
, air pollution,
lacking
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lack
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 of extra supplies, and so on. Yes, people could get some benefits but as we mentioned before there are more cons than its pros.
Secondly
, if we look at the first
ineterests
Correct your spelling
interest
to dig
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in digging
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 up materials, especially
gas
 and oil, government do not think about its disadvantages, they just
wanted
Wrong verb form
want
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 to take benefit
financialy
Correct your spelling
financially
. If we continue to do so, we
defenitelly
Correct your spelling
definitely
 see
the
Correct article usage
apply
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health and
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
 issues,
aslo
Correct your spelling
as
 the new generation is going to have
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 with
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
show examples
 of
source
Correct your spelling
resources
show examples
. As a
consequense
Correct your spelling
consequence
, we can recognize the advantages can not outweigh
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
show examples
 of using new resources in new areas. In conclusion, people might struggle with consuming fossil fuels, if they do not care about the results of
using
Correct pronoun usage
using them
show examples
.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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task achievement
To improve your Task Achievement, ensure that your essay fully addresses the prompt. Your essay should discuss both the advantages and disadvantages of extracting oil and gas from remote areas and evaluate if one outweighs the other.
task achievement
Include more specific examples and evidence to support your points. This will make your arguments more persuasive and improve the relevance and impact of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Work on developing a clearer logical structure. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and sequence of thoughts, which will enhance the coherence of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Make sure your introduction and conclusion are more directly related to the question posed, explicitly stating if the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
coherence cohesion
Try to use a variety of sentence structures and transition words to improve the flow of your essay. This will make your essay more engaging and easier to follow.
task achievement
You've demonstrated an ability to engage with the topic and show awareness of the issues surrounding energy consumption and environmental impact.
coherence cohesion
Your essay structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, provides a good foundation for developing your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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