Finding job satisfaction is considered to be a luxury in many developing countries. Why do you think that is? Do you think job satisfaction is important?

In
this
new era , a
job
must be done with happiness and
satisfaction
by the workers is a new trend going
nowadays
Change preposition
on nowadays
show examples
in numerous rations which are still evolving . There are many reasons behind
this
new viewpoint and
this
essay will cover it in the following paragraphs .
as well as
my opinion on
if
Correct word choice
whether
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
job
satisfaction
is important or not. →
Firstly
, discussing the various reasons behind
this
trend, the first and foremost point is that, if
a
Change the article
an
show examples
employee
is finding
Wrong verb form
find
show examples
their
work
enjoyable,
then
they will
work
hard towards it with determination.
As a result
, the company in which someone is working with hard
work
will definitely be able to gain profit.
Furthermore
, the workers will perform their
work
with
outmost
Correct your spelling
utmost
show examples
trust and loyalty and
this
will help that organization
as well as
a ration to grow . For elaboration , if numerous companies are gaining much more profit, it will directly affect the region's
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
sector and it will grow and all of these will ultimately
helps
Change the verb form
help
show examples
a country to develop rapidly. →
Morover
Correct your spelling
Moreover
, in my point of view I highly think that
job
satisfaction
is very essential because
firstly
it helps people to earn money in
o
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
fun way.
For instance
, if individuals are working in a field where they can enjoy their
work
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
while
performing it the rate of becoming that
job
successful increases and
apart from
this
, they won't
be get
Change the verb form
get
show examples
bored.
Besides
these, skilled and talented workers in various professions can even represent their country at
on
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
international level. To give an example, a cricketer
name
Replace the word
named
show examples
Virat Kohli is famous worldwide
due to
his passion and
enjoyment
Correct article usage
the enjoyment
show examples
he receives from his
work
of playing cricket.
To sum up
, there are myriads of reasons why
job
satisfaction
is essential in numerous evolving regions around the world and I believe that
job
satisfaction
is a very essential factor which paces up the speed of development in a country.
Submitted by akshayashvi07 on

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Structure
Try to structure your essay more clearly with distinct paragraphs for each main idea, ensuring each paragraph has a clear topic sentence.
Examples
Be mindful of using relevant, specific examples to support your points. While the example of Virat Kohli is good, adding more varied examples could strengthen your argument.
Language
Work on clarity and precision in your language. Avoid using phrases like 'outmost trust' and 'in o fun way' which may confuse readers or detract from your argument.
Grammar
Review and correct grammar and punctuation errors to improve the readability and professionalism of your writing.
Content
You have a strong understanding of the essay topic and provided a reasoned argument for why job satisfaction is important.
Structure
Your introduction and conclusion neatly bookend your essay, demonstrating good planning and structure.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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