Finding job satisfaction is considered to be a luxury in many developing countries. Why do you think that is? Do you think job satisfaction is important?

#job #satisfaction #luxury #countries

this

new era , a

job

must be done with happiness and

satisfaction

by the workers is a new trend going

nowadays

Change preposition

on nowadays

show examples

in numerous rations which are still evolving . There are many reasons behind

this

new viewpoint and

this

essay will cover it in the following paragraphs .

as well as

my opinion on

Correct word choice

whether

show examples

Remove the article

apply

show examples

job

satisfaction

is important or not. →

Firstly

, discussing the various reasons behind

this

trend, the first and foremost point is that, if

Change the article

show examples

employee

is finding

Wrong verb form

find

show examples

their

work

enjoyable,

then

they will

work

hard towards it with determination.

As a result

, the company in which someone is working with hard

work

will definitely be able to gain profit.

Furthermore

, the workers will perform their

work

with

outmost

Correct your spelling

utmost

show examples

trust and loyalty and

this

will help that organization

as well as

a ration to grow . For elaboration , if numerous companies are gaining much more profit, it will directly affect the region's

economical

Replace the word

economic

show examples

sector and it will grow and all of these will ultimately

helps

Change the verb form

help

show examples

a country to develop rapidly. →

Morover

Correct your spelling

Moreover

, in my point of view I highly think that

job

satisfaction

is very essential because

firstly

it helps people to earn money in

Correct determiner usage

show examples

fun way.

For instance

, if individuals are working in a field where they can enjoy their

work

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

while

performing it the rate of becoming that

job

successful increases and

apart from

this

, they won't

be get

Change the verb form

get

show examples

bored.

Besides

these, skilled and talented workers in various professions can even represent their country at

Correct your spelling

show examples

international level. To give an example, a cricketer

name

Replace the word

named

show examples

Virat Kohli is famous worldwide

due to

his passion and

enjoyment

Correct article usage

the enjoyment

show examples

he receives from his

work

of playing cricket.

To sum up

, there are myriads of reasons why

job

satisfaction

is essential in numerous evolving regions around the world and I believe that

job

satisfaction

is a very essential factor which paces up the speed of development in a country.

Submitted by akshayashvi07 on Thu Apr 18 2024

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Structure

Try to structure your essay more clearly with distinct paragraphs for each main idea, ensuring each paragraph has a clear topic sentence.

Examples

Be mindful of using relevant, specific examples to support your points. While the example of Virat Kohli is good, adding more varied examples could strengthen your argument.

Language

Work on clarity and precision in your language. Avoid using phrases like 'outmost trust' and 'in o fun way' which may confuse readers or detract from your argument.

Grammar

Review and correct grammar and punctuation errors to improve the readability and professionalism of your writing.

Content

You have a strong understanding of the essay topic and provided a reasoned argument for why job satisfaction is important.

Structure

Your introduction and conclusion neatly bookend your essay, demonstrating good planning and structure.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

326 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Finding job satisfaction is considered to be a luxury in many developing countries. Why do you think that is? Do you think job satisfaction is important?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some countries invest a significant amount of money in promoting the use of bicycles. why do you think this is the case? Does it have a positive or negative impact on individuals and the society?

Differences between countries become less evident each year. Nowadays,all over the world people share the same fashions,advertisting,brands,eating habits and TV channels.Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of this?

Many people like to go on holiday abroad, while others believe it is better to visit places within their own country. Discuss boh views and give your own opinion.

Because of the rising cost of living, many young people are increasingly being forced to live with their parents into their 30's. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?