In many countries today, if people want to find work, they have to move away from their friends and their families. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Nowadays adults must leave separately from their closest
people
in order to succeed in a
job
search. I will define whether benefits take over the drawbacks of
this
phenomenon in the essay. I believe that
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
outweigh the disadvantages
due to
the following reasons. First of all, young
people
must learn how to live independently and rely exclusively on themselves, Particular change in
way
Correct pronoun usage
their way
show examples
of living improves the thinking model, because
currently
Add a comma
currently,
show examples
they do not have
people
to count on.
Moreover
, it is considered that
job
Correct article usage
the job
show examples
application process is time and
energy consuming
Add a hyphen
energy-consuming
show examples
, which is why sometimes it is preferred to focus on a certain thing in order to receive a
job
offer.
For instance
,
according to
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
university research, those who have moved away from
parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
show examples
at an early age,
more
Add a missing verb
are more
show examples
likely to find
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
job
way faster than those who
carried
Wrong verb form
carry
show examples
on sharing accommodation with
parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
show examples
.
In addition
, if a person switches to a different environment, it will make him grow in leaps and bounds.
On the contrary
, some
people
argue that sharing
apartment
Add an article
an apartment
the apartment
show examples
with relatives provides comfortable conditions and less stress. Parents might help with daily chores and offer
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
mental support, which every
job
applicant seeks.
However
, they should have lived alone for some time despite the obvious advantages of living with someone else. As it was already mentioned, an applicant should overcome all obstacles on the way in order to become a professional in any field.
To sum up
, I insist that
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
of living on their own
while
looking for a
job
are more important than
shortcomings
Correct article usage
the shortcomings
show examples
, which a person might face. It teaches how to become independent, think smarter and shorten the time of the
job
search.
Submitted by dulskywork on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence & Cohesion
Remember to use a wider range of sentence structures to enhance the clarity of your points. Mixing complex and simple sentences effectively can make your essay more engaging and easier to follow.
Coherence & Cohesion
Be mindful of small grammatical errors and typos, as these can slightly detract from the overall quality of your writing. Proofreading can significantly improve your work.
Task Achievement
To further strengthen your essay, incorporate more varied and specific examples to support your arguments. This can make your position more convincing and provide a stronger foundation for your claims.
Positive Snapshot
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively bookend your essay, providing a solid framework for your argument. This structure is very beneficial for coherence.
Positive Snapshot
You've done well to address both sides of the argument, which enriches your essay and demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Positive Snapshot
Your main points are supported and explored in a logical sequence, which helps maintain a good flow of ideas throughout your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • relocation
  • employment prospects
  • professional development
  • cultural exposure
  • isolation
  • familial relationships
  • cost of living
  • career progression
  • mental health
  • significant life events
  • higher salaries
  • support families
  • broaden horizons
  • living standards
What to do next:
Look at other essays: