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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Sales companies should recruit people who are hungry for money as they will make the most dedicated workers.Do you think money is the driving force behind hard work? What factors should be taken into consideration when recruiting staff for sales positions

#sales #companies #people #money #workers #force #work #factors #consideration #staff #positions
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The notion that financial ambition is the primary driving force behind hard
work
 in many
positioins
Correct your spelling
positions
, including
sales
, is a topic of debate. Some argue that recruiting individuals who are solely motivated by
money
 can yield dedicated
sales
 workers. In
this
 essay, I contend that a broader range of factors should be considered when selecting candidates for
sales
positions
 rather
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
 just considering who
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
ambtious
Correct your spelling
ambitious
 to earn
money
. Financial incentives may serve as effective motivators in certain
jobs
Change the noun form
job
show examples
positions
 and spur
sales
 employees to perform diligently and meet targets, but they are not the sole driving force to hard
work
. It is important to recognize that hard
work
 is often motivated by a multitude of factors beyond
money
. Job satisfaction, a sense of purpose, and personal growth are equally influential drivers that can result in highly dedicated and effective employees.
Therefore
,
sales
positions
 require not only a hunger for monetary gain but
also
 effective communication skills, empathy, and a keen understanding of customer needs. Individuals who are passionate about their products or services and genuinely want to provide value to customers are more likely to build lasting relationships and drive long-term business growth. In the context of recruiting staff for
sales
positions
, a well-rounded assessment of candidates is imperative.
While
 financial ambition can be a contributing factor, it should not be the sole criterion. Communication skills, customer orientation, adaptability, and a genuine enthusiasm for the company's offerings should
also
 be prioritized
along with
 their desire to make
money
 from their job. In conclusion,
while
 financial incentives can motivate hard
work
 to a certain extent, they are not the sole driving force behind dedicated performance. In the recruitment process for
sales
positions
, factors
such
 as communication skills, passion for the company's offerings, and customer orientation are equally vital in selecting candidates who will contribute to a thriving
sales
 team.
Submitted by nandiniklakshman on

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Improvement
Include more specific examples and evidence to support your claims, especially when discussing the factors important in recruiting for sales positions. This will help to make your argument more persuasive and comprehensive.
Balance
Try to explore different viewpoints on the importance of money as a motivator in more depth to provide a balanced perspective. This could involve discussing scenarios or industries where money may be a lesser or a greater motivator.
Structure
Your essay provides a clear and logical structure, making it easy to follow your argument throughout the text.
Language Use
You've effectively used a range of sentence structures and vocabulary, which enriches the quality of your writing.
Introduction & Conclusion
The introduction and conclusion are effectively crafted, clearly presenting your thesis and summarizing your main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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