IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

A big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. Do you agree or disagree?

#salary #job #satisfaction
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Recent advancements
lead
Wrong verb form
have led
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 to
world
Correct article usage
the world
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 becoming more competitive. Some believe that getting high wages is more essential than a sense of
fulfillment
Change the spelling
fulfilment
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. I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 strategy, and my strategy will be detailed in
further
Linking Words
 explanation below. The foremost reason why I accept
this
Linking Words
 notion is that it is crucial for improved quality of life. To clarify, with the help of
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
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 salary, people are provided better life standards, including affording accommodations, healthcare, and
high
Correct article usage
a high
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 level of education facilities.
For instance
Linking Words
, individuals who acquire substantial income tend to have more availability to access healthcare supplies
such
Linking Words
 as MRT (
check up
Correct your spelling
checkup
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) and highly qualified doctors. Frantic financial speculation
also
Linking Words
 plays a pivotal role in academic training, which is possible with boosted finance. With regard to, larger earnings may encourage to work harder and trigger employees to become engrossed in their professional commitment.
As a result
Linking Words
of
Change preposition
apply
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which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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workers are likely to have more productivity and efficiency
for
Change preposition
in
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 their positions which
also
Linking Words
 contributes to high organizational and management skills.
Apart from
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
,
sizeable
Add an article
the sizeable
a sizeable
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 sum can result in allocating money for future investments. To point out, it might be beneficial for those, who are planning to have financial stability after retirement through prospective investments. Taking all
above
Correct article usage
the above
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mentioned
Verb problem
apply
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into consideration, it should be highlighted that
while
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 job satisfaction plays a vital role in mental well-being;
however
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, from my point of view high wages
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 much more important for getting developed living conditions
such
Linking Words
 as medication,
education
Correct word choice
and education
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,
along with
Linking Words
 enriched performance and capital allocation.
Submitted by writingbhos on

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Sentence Structure and Vocabulary
Try to diversify your sentence structures to enhance readability and avoid repetitions. Experimenting with complex sentences, varying introductory phrases, and employing a more dynamic range of vocabulary can make your arguments more compelling and engaging.
Supporting Examples
Ensure your paragraphs are well-developed and each main idea is supported by specific examples or evidence. While you provided relevant examples, incorporating more detailed and varied evidence can strengthen your arguments significantly.
Word Choice
Consider refining your essay with more precise vocabulary specific to the topic at hand. Accurate and varied word choices can more clearly express your ideas and strengthen your argumentation.
Transitions and Cohesion
Maintain focus on ensuring the coherence of your essay. Transition words and phrases can help in seamlessly guiding the reader through your arguments, making your reasoning more clear and persuasive.
Argument Structure
You've clearly stated your viewpoint and provided a structured argument supporting your thesis, which is essential for a strong essay.
Coherent Structure
Your essay effectively addresses the prompt with a coherent structure, including an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which aids in maintaining reader engagement.
Relevant Examples
The examples provided, like healthcare access and investment for future financial stability, are relevant and demonstrate your ability to connect theoretical arguments with practical outcomes.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • remuneration
  • financial security
  • motivation
  • luxuries
  • material possessions
  • fulfillment
  • work-life balance
  • stress levels
  • mental well-being
  • job security
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