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Writing Samples /
Band 5

A big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. Do you agree or disagree?

#salary #job #satisfaction
Recent advancements
lead
Wrong verb form
have led
show examples
 to
world
Correct article usage
the world
show examples
 becoming more competitive. Some believe that getting high wages is more essential than a sense of
fulfillment
Change the spelling
fulfilment
show examples
. I completely agree with
this
 strategy, and my strategy will be detailed in
further
 explanation below. The foremost reason why I accept
this
 notion is that it is crucial for improved quality of life. To clarify, with the help of
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
show examples
 salary, people are provided better life standards, including affording accommodations, healthcare, and
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 level of education facilities.
For instance
, individuals who acquire substantial income tend to have more availability to access healthcare supplies
such
 as MRT (
check up
Correct your spelling
checkup
show examples
) and highly qualified doctors. Frantic financial speculation
also
 plays a pivotal role in academic training, which is possible with boosted finance. With regard to, larger earnings may encourage to work harder and trigger employees to become engrossed in their professional commitment.
As a result
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
workers are likely to have more productivity and efficiency
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their positions which
also
 contributes to high organizational and management skills.
Apart from
this
,
sizeable
Add an article
the sizeable
a sizeable
show examples
 sum can result in allocating money for future investments. To point out, it might be beneficial for those, who are planning to have financial stability after retirement through prospective investments. Taking all
above
Correct article usage
the above
show examples
mentioned
Verb problem
apply
show examples
into consideration, it should be highlighted that
while
 job satisfaction plays a vital role in mental well-being;
however
, from my point of view high wages
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 much more important for getting developed living conditions
such
 as medication,
education
Correct word choice
and education
show examples
,
along with
 enriched performance and capital allocation.
Submitted by writingbhos on

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Sentence Structure and Vocabulary
Try to diversify your sentence structures to enhance readability and avoid repetitions. Experimenting with complex sentences, varying introductory phrases, and employing a more dynamic range of vocabulary can make your arguments more compelling and engaging.
Supporting Examples
Ensure your paragraphs are well-developed and each main idea is supported by specific examples or evidence. While you provided relevant examples, incorporating more detailed and varied evidence can strengthen your arguments significantly.
Word Choice
Consider refining your essay with more precise vocabulary specific to the topic at hand. Accurate and varied word choices can more clearly express your ideas and strengthen your argumentation.
Transitions and Cohesion
Maintain focus on ensuring the coherence of your essay. Transition words and phrases can help in seamlessly guiding the reader through your arguments, making your reasoning more clear and persuasive.
Argument Structure
You've clearly stated your viewpoint and provided a structured argument supporting your thesis, which is essential for a strong essay.
Coherent Structure
Your essay effectively addresses the prompt with a coherent structure, including an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which aids in maintaining reader engagement.
Relevant Examples
The examples provided, like healthcare access and investment for future financial stability, are relevant and demonstrate your ability to connect theoretical arguments with practical outcomes.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • remuneration
  • financial security
  • motivation
  • luxuries
  • material possessions
  • fulfillment
  • work-life balance
  • stress levels
  • mental well-being
  • job security
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