More and more city workers are deciding to live in the country and travel into work every day. The result is increased traffic congestion and damage to the environment. What measures do you think could be taken to encourage people not to travel such long distances into work?

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In these modern days, some individuals choose to live in the
suburban
Replace the word
suburbs
show examples
and go to
work
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
long distances every single day, resulting in traffic
jam
Fix the agreement mistake
jams
show examples
and
produce
Wrong verb form
producing
show examples
more air pollution. In
this
essay, I will discuss the possible solutions to suggest people not to commute
such
long
journey
Fix the agreement mistake
journeys
show examples
to
work
. One of the
the
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apply
show examples
biggest
issue
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issues
show examples
, that caused
this
is the surge
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
property prices in the
urbans
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Urbans
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.
Consequently
, the price of household rent is too expensive for most of the city workers.
Furthermore
, it's cheaper to travel back and forth from the countryside
instead
of
live
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living
show examples
in the city. Even though it's exhausting to travel
in
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apply
show examples
such
distances, it's the only choice they have. Possible solutions to tackle
this
problem are for
Correct article usage
the govenment
show examples
govenment
Correct your spelling
government
to provide more affordable household rent and control the surge of
residences
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residence
show examples
prices in the city.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
need to limit the number of
properties
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property
show examples
ownership. In Indonesia, older generations think that house ownership
are
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is
show examples
the best investment.
Therefore
, the quantity of
household
Fix the agreement mistake
households
show examples
are more limited,
thus
the increased prices. The other solution is for corporate,
providing
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to provide
show examples
an option to
work
remotely, and not oblige urban workers to
work
in the office. By the event of
COVID-19
Add a comma
COVID-19,
show examples
a lot of office workers had to
work
from home,
because
Correct word choice
and because
show examples
of
this
the traffic in Jakarta
are more
Verb problem
was
show examples
smooth
Replace the word
smoother
show examples
and the amount of pollution
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
decreased. In conclusion,
this
kind of issue
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
complex and
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
several
group
Change to a plural noun
groups
show examples
to solve
this
problem. I believe that
,
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apply
show examples
the cooperation of
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
to control households and
corporate
Replace the word
corporations
show examples
to bring more flexible
work
arrangement
Fix the agreement mistake
arrangements
show examples
would encourage people not to travel far distances
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
work
.
Submitted by ridhokholis9a on

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Language Accuracy
Be cautious with spelling and use of articles (e.g., "a surge in property prices," "the countryside," "the government") to ensure clarity and correctness.
Language Variety
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Argument Strength
Integrate examples and evidences more explicitly to strengthen your arguments and make your points more convincing.
Topic Relevance
Your essay addresses the topic directly, offering practical solutions that are well explained.
Structure
You successfully organize your essay with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, which enhances its readability and coherence.
Example Use
The use of Indonesia as a specific example adds a valuable real-world context to your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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