More and more city workers are deciding to live in the country and travel into work every day. The result is increased traffic congestion and damage to the environment. What measures do you think could be taken to encourage people not to travel such long distances into work?

#city #workers #country #travel #work #traffic #congestion #damage #environment #measures #people #distances

In these modern days, some individuals choose to live in the

suburban

Replace the word

suburbs

show examples

and go to

work

Change preposition

apply

show examples

long distances every single day, resulting in traffic

jam

Fix the agreement mistake

jams

show examples

and

produce

Wrong verb form

producing

show examples

more air pollution. In

this

essay, I will discuss the possible solutions to suggest people not to commute

such

long

journey

Fix the agreement mistake

journeys

show examples

work

. One of the

the

Remove the redundancy

apply

show examples

biggest

issue

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issues

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, that caused

this

is the surge

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show examples

property prices in the

urbans

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Urbans

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Consequently

, the price of household rent is too expensive for most of the city workers.

Furthermore

, it's cheaper to travel back and forth from the countryside

instead

live

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living

show examples

in the city. Even though it's exhausting to travel

Change preposition

apply

show examples

such

distances, it's the only choice they have. Possible solutions to tackle

this

problem are for

Correct article usage

the govenment

show examples

govenment

Correct your spelling

government

to provide more affordable household rent and control the surge of

residences

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residence

show examples

prices in the city.

Government

Correct article usage

The government

show examples

need to limit the number of

properties

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property

show examples

ownership. In Indonesia, older generations think that house ownership

are

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show examples

the best investment.

Therefore

, the quantity of

household

Fix the agreement mistake

households

show examples

are more limited,

thus

the increased prices. The other solution is for corporate,

providing

Change the verb form

to provide

show examples

an option to

work

remotely, and not oblige urban workers to

work

in the office. By the event of

COVID-19

Add a comma

COVID-19,

show examples

a lot of office workers had to

work

from home,

because

Correct word choice

and because

show examples

this

the traffic in Jakarta

are more

Verb problem

was

show examples

smooth

Replace the word

smoother

show examples

and the amount of pollution

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

decreased. In conclusion,

this

kind of issue

are

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show examples

complex and

need

Correct subject-verb agreement

needs

show examples

several

group

Change to a plural noun

groups

show examples

to solve

this

problem. I believe that

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

the cooperation of

government

Correct article usage

the government

show examples

to control households and

corporate

Replace the word

corporations

show examples

to bring more flexible

work

arrangement

Fix the agreement mistake

arrangements

show examples

would encourage people not to travel far distances

into

Change preposition

show examples

work

Submitted by ridhokholis9a on Sun Apr 21 2024

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Language Accuracy

Be cautious with spelling and use of articles (e.g., "a surge in property prices," "the countryside," "the government") to ensure clarity and correctness.

Language Variety

Consider diversifying your sentence structures and vocabulary to enrich your essay and more effectively engage the reader.

Argument Strength

Integrate examples and evidences more explicitly to strengthen your arguments and make your points more convincing.

Topic Relevance

Your essay addresses the topic directly, offering practical solutions that are well explained.

Structure

You successfully organize your essay with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, which enhances its readability and coherence.

Example Use

The use of Indonesia as a specific example adds a valuable real-world context to your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
32Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

272 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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More and more city workers are deciding to live in the country and travel into work every day. The result is increased traffic congestion and damage to the environment. What measures do you think could be taken to encourage people not to travel such long distances into work?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

These days, more and more people move away from the area where they were born and brought up when they become adults. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Many social media accounts are fake? What problems does this cause? What solutions can you suggest?

Many parents encourage young people to leave home when they become older. While others thinks that they should stay at home with family. Discouse both views and give your own opinion.