Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part In organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Some people say that parents are responsible for their
childrens
to take part in Correct your spelling
children
children's
the
Correct article usage
apply
group
acitivies
in their Correct your spelling
activities
lieasure
time, Correct your spelling
leisure
while
some say children should develope
themselves. In my opinion, all Correct your spelling
develop
childrens
have different capabilities and should let them learn on their own.
It is true that caretakers should encourage their little ones to participate in the activities which are often organised in groups. AsCorrect your spelling
children
,
they can learn and adopt certain skills within the Remove the comma
apply
group
in which they take part. Often, childrens
Correct your spelling
children
tries
to imitate other Correct subject-verb agreement
try
childrens
in the Correct your spelling
children
group
which tend
towards Correct subject-verb agreement
tends
the
brain development. Socialisation is another Correct article usage
apply
benifit
of being in the Correct your spelling
benefit
group
. For instance
, participating teenager
in Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
the
local events, where he or she can socialise with other teenagers can Correct article usage
apply
turns
out to be Change the verb form
turn
socialistic
habit.
Add an article
a socialistic
On the other hand
, if a youngster is allowed to learn by themselves, they can gain more experties
. Self learning Correct your spelling
expertise
is
Verb problem
has
prove
to be one of the best Correct your spelling
proven
way
to acquire skills.
In conclusion, Change to a plural noun
ways
self learning
is the better way for children rather than urging them to take part in organized groups. As they can adopt better Add a hyphen
self-learning
learing
and can be Correct your spelling
learning
self dependent
.Add a hyphen
self-dependent
Submitted by hassan05.quadri on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Introduction Clarity
Your introduction provided a clear overview, but it was somewhat confusing due to the phrase 'childrens have different capabilities and should let them learn on their own.' Clarifying this statement could improve coherence.
Specific Examples
To enhance task achievement, it's beneficial to offer more balanced and expressly discussed viewpoints with specific examples. Although you've mentioned group activities and self-learning, elaborating on these with clear, specific examples would strengthen your argument.
Logical Transitions
Consider transitioning more smoothly between paragraphs to enhance the essay’s flow. Using connecting phrases can guide the reader through your argument more clearly.
Grammar
Ensure consistent subject-verb agreement to maintain grammatical integrity. Watch out for plural and singular discrepancies ('childrens' should be 'children').
Introduction
Your introduction sets a good preliminary context for the discussion.
Content Development
You've correctly identified and compared contrasting viewpoints regarding children's activities and development.
Conclusion
The conclusion provides a clear stance, summarizing your viewpoint effectively.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.