IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that universities should provide graduates with the knowledge and skills needed in the workplace. Others think that the true function of a university should be to give access to knowledge for its own sake, regardless of whether the course is useful to an employer. What, in your opinion, should be the nwin function of a university?

#people #universities #graduates #skills #workplace #function #university #access #sake #course #employer #nwin
Nowadays,
university
 policies can be divided into two different aspects. One aspect focuses on supporting
students
' needs,
while
 the other emphasizes the importance of acquiring
work
skills
. Other people believe
study
Replace the word
studying
show examples
knowledge
 is
best
Correct article usage
the best
show examples
 of main way.
This
 essay is going to discuss both
point
Fix the agreement mistake
points
show examples
 and my opinion. Clearly,
students
 learn
skills
 about future
working
Change the form of the verb
work
show examples
 that will help to get professional
skills
 and speed up
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Change noun form
society's
show examples
 progress in science.
Firstly
, if
students
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 taught
work
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 already by
university
Add an article
the university
a university
show examples
, they
easy to
Replace the word
easily
show examples
 create new
idea
Fix the agreement mistake
ideas
show examples
 in
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
show examples
. In
Correct article usage
the industrial
show examples
industrial revolution
Correct your spelling
Industrial Revolution
show examples
 period, some
businessman
Fix the agreement mistake
businessmen
show examples
 opened technology
academy
Fix the agreement mistake
academies
show examples
 to offer kids
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 wanted to
work
, but they
do
Wrong verb form
did
show examples
 not understand
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 and
word
Fix the agreement mistake
words
show examples
.
Afterward
Change the spelling
Afterwards
show examples
,
businessman
Fix the agreement mistake
businessmen
show examples
 found
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
 kids
can
Wrong verb form
could
show examples
 invent new things to make
work
 easier.
Secondly
, some professional
work
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 more
learn
Change the form of the verb
learning
show examples
 time
such
 as nuclear technology. Highly specialized jobs require more time to learn, if
work
skills
 can be learned right from school, technological progress will be accelerated. Contrarily, some people think
learn
Wrong verb form
learning
show examples
knowledge
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
university
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is
only
Add an article
the only
show examples
 way.
Firstly
,
students
 learn common
knowledge
maybe
Correct word choice
and maybe
show examples
 can find different
interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
show examples
 and
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
. Diverse
learn
Replace the word
learning
show examples
 will help
students
 to find their life purpose.
Secondly
, most
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
 or
society
Fix the agreement mistake
societies
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 multiplex, which not only
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
that
Correct word choice
but
show examples
also
 need different
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 to
work
such
 as
writer
Fix the agreement mistake
writers
show examples
,
Correct word choice
and poet
show examples
poet
Fix the agreement mistake
poets
show examples
. If
society
 is going to just only
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
,
that
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 will lose
diverse
Correct article usage
a diverse
show examples
society
. In conclusion, there are always two sides to every issue, and
this
 education issue is no exception, let based on the arguments above,I,on balance,am of the opinion that
learn
Wrong verb form
learning
show examples
work
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 in
university
 still carry more weight
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
knowledge
.
Submitted by m0751102 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
To enhance your essay, consider using a wider variety of sentence structures to demonstrate your linguistic range. This can make your argument more dynamic and engaging.
Task Achievement
Integrate more specific examples or evidence to strengthen your main points. While you provided examples, deeper detail could further enrich your argument.
Task Achievement
Attempt to more clearly define your thesis statement in the introduction. A distinct, well-articulated thesis can better guide the reader through your argument.
General
Ensure you accurately proofread your work to catch and correct any grammatical errors or typos, which can sometimes distract from your overall message.
Task Achievement
You engaged with the task prompt by discussing both perspectives and your opinion, which shows good task understanding.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay structure is clear with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing each view, and a conclusion, which helps readability.
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