Some people believe that sleeping is the only method which allows people to get enough relaxation. Others belleve that physical activities such as playing games and exercises also provide enough relaxation. Discuss both views and provide your opinion.

#people #method #relaxation #belleve #activities #games #exercises

To begin

, There is no doubt that stress affects every person these days. Few believe that sound sleep is the only way to relax

instead

others think physical activities are

also

of great help. In the essay, I will discuss both sides and explain why I support the latter view.

However

, those who are of the opinion that sleep is the only way to get mental peace, assume that the body and mind need enough rest to rejuvenate.

This

is because many of us are already quite exerted

due to

pressure and anxiety in our daily lives.

For example

, many are expected to work 12 to 14 hours a day, and if they get a proper sleep of 8 hours, they will get a chance to freshen up and be ready for a battle the next day. If they do not get enough sleep,

then

it will result in other types of health issues with diseases related to lifestyle.

Nevertheless

, I

along with

others believe that exercise and other related activities help to relax more as they release certain kinds of hormones, which makes us happy and contented. The reason for

this

is that

while

exercising, we get fresh air and a change of atmosphere, which is of utmost importance for relaxation. To illustrate, most of the top executives try to take some time from their busy schedule to play games like tennis and golf.

As a result

, they are able to focus their brain more on work and get great ideas. In conclusion,

although

some are of the view that sleep is the only way to calm our brain as it provides enough rest both mentally and physically, I believe physical activities are required as they give us more pleasure which in turn relaxes our mind

further

Submitted by psingh8059 on Thu Apr 25 2024

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Coherence

Ensure consistency in the use of viewpoints. Mixing 'I' with 'we' can sometimes confuse the reader about the perspective being presented. Stick to one for a more cohesive argument.

Cohesion

Consider varying your sentence structures more to demonstrate a wider range of linguistic skills. While your essay is clear, greater variation can enhance your writing's complexity and interest.

Task Achievement

For an even stronger task achievement, try to include more varied and detailed examples supporting both sides of the argument. This depth can enrich your essay and demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Coherence and Cohesion

Be attentive to the small grammatical mistakes and typos throughout the essay. Though they are minor, polishing these details could improve the overall clarity and professionalism of your writing.

Task Achievement

You've done a great job discussing both views on the topic, providing a balanced overview before stating your personal opinion.

Coherence and Cohesion

Your introduction and conclusion are well-formulated, clearly presenting the topic and summing up your argument, which significantly aids in understanding your stance.

Task Achievement

Using examples to illustrate your points helps in making your argument more convincing. This approach enriches your essay and supports the viewpoints shared.

Coherence and Cohesion

Your essay flows logically from one paragraph to the next, aiding in the reader's understanding and maintaining their interest throughout the piece.

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14Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

298 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people believe that sleeping is the only method which allows people to get enough relaxation. Others belleve that physical activities such as playing games and exercises also provide enough relaxation. Discuss both views and provide your opinion.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Happiness is considered very important in life. Why is it difficult to define? What factors are important in achieving happiness ?

In some countries, the number of shootings increase because many people have guns at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Nowadays, more and more people from different cities are spending more time away from their families. What are the possible reasons and the effects on the people themselves and their families?

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

More and more people want to buy clothes, cars and other items from famous brands. What are the reasons? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?