Some people believe that sleeping is the only method which allows people to get enough relaxation. Others belleve that physical activities such as playing games and exercises also provide enough relaxation. Discuss both views and provide your opinion.
To begin
, There is no doubt that stress affects every person these days. Few believe that sound sleep is the only way to relax instead
others think physical activities are also
of great help. In the essay, I will discuss both sides and explain why I support the latter view.
However
, those who are of the opinion that sleep is the only way to get mental peace, assume that the body and mind need enough rest to rejuvenate. This
is because many of us are already quite exerted due to
pressure and anxiety in our daily lives. For example
, many are expected to work 12 to 14 hours a day, and if they get a proper sleep of 8 hours, they will get a chance to freshen up and be ready for a battle the next day. If they do not get enough sleep, then
it will result in other types of health issues with diseases related to lifestyle.
Nevertheless
, I along with
others believe that exercise and other related activities help to relax more as they release certain kinds of hormones, which makes us happy and contented. The reason for this
is that while
exercising, we get fresh air and a change of atmosphere, which is of utmost importance for relaxation. To illustrate, most of the top executives try to take some time from their busy schedule to play games like tennis and golf. As a result
, they are able to focus their brain more on work and get great ideas.
In conclusion, although
some are of the view that sleep is the only way to calm our brain as it provides enough rest both mentally and physically, I believe physical activities are required as they give us more pleasure which in turn relaxes our mind further
.Submitted by psingh8059 on
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Coherence
Ensure consistency in the use of viewpoints. Mixing 'I' with 'we' can sometimes confuse the reader about the perspective being presented. Stick to one for a more cohesive argument.
Cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structures more to demonstrate a wider range of linguistic skills. While your essay is clear, greater variation can enhance your writing's complexity and interest.
Task Achievement
For an even stronger task achievement, try to include more varied and detailed examples supporting both sides of the argument. This depth can enrich your essay and demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
Be attentive to the small grammatical mistakes and typos throughout the essay. Though they are minor, polishing these details could improve the overall clarity and professionalism of your writing.
Task Achievement
You've done a great job discussing both views on the topic, providing a balanced overview before stating your personal opinion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-formulated, clearly presenting the topic and summing up your argument, which significantly aids in understanding your stance.
Task Achievement
Using examples to illustrate your points helps in making your argument more convincing. This approach enriches your essay and supports the viewpoints shared.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay flows logically from one paragraph to the next, aiding in the reader's understanding and maintaining their interest throughout the piece.