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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The table below shows the percentage of employers in various sectors having difficulty in finding staff in 2003 and 2004. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below shows the percentage of employers in various sectors having difficulty in finding staff in 2003 and 2004. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#percentage #employers #sectors #difficulty #staff #information #features #comparisons
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The table compares the difficulty for employers to find employees in disparate categories in
two
Use synonyms
 separate years.
Overall
Linking Words
, It is obvious that in most categories, manufacturing staff were
hardest
Correct article usage
the hardest
show examples
 to find. Meanwhile,
service
Add an article
the service
show examples
 sector had
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 problems
to find
Change the verb form
finding
show examples
 employees.
Building
Correct article usage
The building
show examples
 sector
also
Linking Words
 suffered a lot in terms of finding human force,
besides
Linking Words
 manufacturing. In both 2003 and 2004,
Correct article usage
the maufacturing
show examples
maufacturing
Correct your spelling
manufacturing
 industry had about 3 to 5 per cent more problems
to find
Change the verb form
finding
show examples
skilled
Correct article usage
a skilled
show examples
 workforce. Simultaneously, these
statistices
Correct your spelling
statistics
 are
also
Linking Words
 correct for unskilled ones, with just
reduction
Correct article usage
a reduction
show examples
 of their percentages from 40 to 50 in qualified ones to 20 to 30 in unqualified ones.
However
Linking Words
, In terms of technical and managerial staff,
building
Correct article usage
the building
show examples
 industry had more problems. Commerce and services were
two
Use synonyms
 other sectors with more popularity than
Use synonyms
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
 other industries. In 2003, commerce had between
two
Use synonyms
 to six per cent more
troubles
Fix the agreement mistake
trouble
show examples
to find
Change the verb form
finding
show examples
 proficient and unproficient workforce
while
Linking Words
 in
technical
Correct article usage
the technical
show examples
 and managerial section, it faced
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 troubles. Unlike that, in 2004,
service
Correct article usage
the service
show examples
 sector struggled more to find humans to work for.
Submitted by yasinisback8 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words two with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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