Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interest and whether they are marries od single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Other disagree. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
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while
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one
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this
type of education.
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their negative outweighs the first way .Use synonyms
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Introduction Clarity
Ensure your introduction clearly presents the topic and your viewpoint. Your current introduction could be more explicit in outlining the discussion points.
Paragraph Structure
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Transitions
Use transitions effectively to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. This can help in making your essay more cohesive and easier to follow.
Conclusion Strength
In your conclusion, succinctly summarize your discussion and clearly state your position. Your current conclusion could be stronger in restating the main arguments and your stance.
Example Relevance
Provide specific examples to support your arguments. While you have attempted this, making your examples more detailed and relevant can strengthen your argument.
Balanced Discussion
You've attempted to discuss both sides of the argument, demonstrating an understanding of the task.
Topic Engagement
Your essay engages with the topic, showing a good attempt to address the prompt.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?