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Writing Samples
Band 2.5

The two plans below compare the layout of a typical Japanese office and a typical American office. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The two plans illustrate the design of a typical
Japanese
 office and a typical
American
 office.
Overall
, the
Japanese
 office
model
 had more space rather than the
American
.
However
, the
American
 space was divided
it’s
Replace the word
its
show examples
room
 with three
section
Change to a plural noun
sections
show examples
. Looking into more details, the
Japanese
room
 was constructed where the department manager
in
Add a missing verb
was in
show examples
 the same
room
.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other hand, the
American
model
 was built
their
Change preposition
by their
show examples
 managers
separated
Add a missing verb
being separated
show examples
 from
another employees
Replace the adjective
another employee
other employees
show examples
.
On the other hand
, the number of
seat
Change to a plural noun
seats
show examples
Change preposition
in that
show examples
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
Japanese
model
 was about 15. It is compared with the
American
model
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
which is only about 13.
However
, the window that
American
Correct article usage
the American
show examples
model
 had was about 2
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
followed by the
Japanese
model
whereas
Correct word choice
which
show examples
 only had 1.
In addition
, the
Japanese
model
don’t
Change the verb form
doesn’t
show examples
 have
sub-
Correct article usage
a sub-room
show examples
room
 for
another purposes
Replace the adjective
another purpose
other purposes
show examples
such
 as
copier
Correct article usage
a copier
show examples
, conference
room
, and storage. Meanwhile, the
American
model
 had sub-rooms which are used for necessary activities
such
 as conference, copier, and storage.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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structure
Make sure your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion to structure your comparison effectively.
language use
Use a wider range of sentence structures and linking words to show comparisons and contrasts more clearly (e.g., 'while', 'whereas', 'compared to').
grammar
Be cautious with pluralization and articles. For example, 'the Japanese office model had more space rather than the American' could be 'the Japanese office model had more space than the American one'.
specificity
To enhance clarity and precision, specify the type of space or room when comparing (e.g., office space, seating area).
task response
You provided a comparative overview of the Japanese and American office designs, adhering to the task requirements.
content depth
Your effort to compare and contrast different aspects of office layouts, including management placement, seating, and additional rooms, was commendable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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