IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries today, if people want to find work, they have to move away from their friends and their families. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

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In these days, finding a
profeesion
Correct your spelling
profession
professional
 requires transforming to another country. In
this
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 report I will go through the two aspects of
this
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 change,
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then
Correct word choice
and then
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alow
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allow
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 me to share my position.
Traveling
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Travelling
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 to a new region leads to a lot of benefits, knowledge, and experiences.
Whereas
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 being alone leads to discovering new cultures and people. For
further
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 explanation, many studies indicate that visiting a new place will cause new discoveries
as a result
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 of being
corious
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curious
 about any
mysteryous
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mystery
as well as
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 travelers get many bonds because of facing a lot of strangers.
Additionally
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, being in
unfamiliar
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an unfamiliar
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 region
cause
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causes
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 more focus on work. A survey said that most
of
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apply
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human
Add an article
the human
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 kind
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acknowledged
aknowledged
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acknowledged
 that their performance increase if they are in a new place because they do not have any entertainer to waste time with.
Although
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 the points above are strong, there are points
do
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that do
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 not support
this
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 development which
hold
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holds
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 equal strength. The first one is feeling homesick.
The mental
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Mental
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 health is
such
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 an important factor that
play
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plays
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 a significant role in physical performance.
Therefore
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, many studies reported that poor mental health is the main reason for the decrease
of
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in
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 profits,
however
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, being with relatives and
accomadation
Correct your spelling
accommodation
 is a primary factor
to solve
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in solving
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this
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 problem.
Moreover
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, going to another place leads to many
finance
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financial
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 problems. A survey showed that the main reason for rejecting a job is being poor
while
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 going to the job requires money for transportation and living.
As a consequence
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, a lot of poor people can not change their status because of
this
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 development. In conclusion, on
one
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the one
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 hand, moving away from relatives and friends helps make new relationships, and
focusing
Wrong verb form
focus
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 on work.
On the other hand
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, being far away from lovers cause boredom
,
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apply
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 and poor mental health. depending on the points above, I do not believe that the advantages overcome the disadvantages of
this
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 development.

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Overall
Be sure to proofread your essay to correct small inaccuracies and improve overall clarity. This can help make your argument more compelling.
Task Achievement
Consider expanding your examples to be more detailed and specific, thereby providing a stronger foundation for your arguments.
Coherence & Cohesion
Try to vary your sentence structure and vocabulary to enhance the readability and sophistication of your essay.
Task Achievement
Make direct comparisons between the advantages and disadvantages where possible, to strengthen the argument and provide a clearer conclusion.
Task Achievement
Ensure your conclusion succinctly summarises your perspective in light of the discussion, reinforcing your stance effectively.
Task Achievement
You effectively covered both sides of the argument, providing a balanced view.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion were present and provided a clear framework for your essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
You demonstrated good organization of ideas, contributing to the essay's coherence.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • relocation
  • employment prospects
  • professional development
  • cultural exposure
  • isolation
  • familial relationships
  • cost of living
  • career progression
  • mental health
  • significant life events
  • higher salaries
  • support families
  • broaden horizons
  • living standards
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