In many countries today, if people want to find work, they have to move away from their friends and their families. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #people #work #move #friends #families #development

In these days, finding a

profeesion

Correct your spelling

profession

professional

requires transforming to another country. In

this

report I will go through the two aspects of

this

change,

then

Correct word choice

and then

show examples

alow

Correct your spelling

allow

show examples

me to share my position.

Traveling

Change the spelling

Travelling

show examples

to a new region leads to a lot of benefits, knowledge, and experiences.

Whereas

being alone leads to discovering new cultures and people. For

further

explanation, many studies indicate that visiting a new place will cause new discoveries

as a result

of being

corious

Correct your spelling

curious

about any

mysteryous

Correct your spelling

mystery

as well as

travelers get many bonds because of facing a lot of strangers.

Additionally

, being in

unfamiliar

Correct article usage

an unfamiliar

show examples

region

cause

Correct subject-verb agreement

causes

show examples

more focus on work. A survey said that most

Change preposition

apply

show examples

human

Add an article

the human

show examples

kind

Correct your spelling

acknowledged

aknowledged

Correct your spelling

acknowledged

that their performance increase if they are in a new place because they do not have any entertainer to waste time with.

Although

the points above are strong, there are points

Correct pronoun usage

that do

show examples

not support

this

development which

hold

Change the verb form

holds

show examples

equal strength. The first one is feeling homesick.

The mental

Correct article usage

Mental

show examples

health is

such

an important factor that

play

Change the verb form

plays

show examples

a significant role in physical performance.

Therefore

, many studies reported that poor mental health is the main reason for the decrease

Change preposition

show examples

profits,

however

, being with relatives and

accomadation

Correct your spelling

accommodation

is a primary factor

to solve

Change preposition

in solving

show examples

this

problem.

Moreover

, going to another place leads to many

finance

Replace the word

financial

show examples

problems. A survey showed that the main reason for rejecting a job is being poor

while

going to the job requires money for transportation and living.

As a consequence

, a lot of poor people can not change their status because of

this

development. In conclusion, on

one

Correct article usage

the one

show examples

hand, moving away from relatives and friends helps make new relationships, and

focusing

Wrong verb form

focus

show examples

on work.

On the other hand

, being far away from lovers cause boredom

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and poor mental health. depending on the points above, I do not believe that the advantages overcome the disadvantages of

this

development.

Submitted by haneenalnetaif on Mon Apr 29 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Overall

Be sure to proofread your essay to correct small inaccuracies and improve overall clarity. This can help make your argument more compelling.

Task Achievement

Consider expanding your examples to be more detailed and specific, thereby providing a stronger foundation for your arguments.

Coherence & Cohesion

Try to vary your sentence structure and vocabulary to enhance the readability and sophistication of your essay.

Task Achievement

Make direct comparisons between the advantages and disadvantages where possible, to strengthen the argument and provide a clearer conclusion.

Task Achievement

Ensure your conclusion succinctly summarises your perspective in light of the discussion, reinforcing your stance effectively.

Task Achievement

You effectively covered both sides of the argument, providing a balanced view.

Coherence & Cohesion

Your introduction and conclusion were present and provided a clear framework for your essay.

Coherence & Cohesion

You demonstrated good organization of ideas, contributing to the essay's coherence.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

15Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
23Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

309 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

relocation
employment prospects
professional development
cultural exposure
isolation
familial relationships
cost of living
career progression
mental health
significant life events
higher salaries
support families
broaden horizons
living standards

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

<4
band
Some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in.
There are so many reasons that people search for the previous history. Firstly, some individuals have cultural beliefs that staying in a house which was previously owned by a family with so many relationship issues, it will affect and lead to many complications to the new family also. Therefore, they are very curious in searching the past information to avoid psycho social problems. Secondly, identifying quality of place as well as the sorrounding environment makes peacefull living. That is to say, if someone check the quality of land, it futher prevent negative consequences such as flooding, air pollution and etc.
4
band
Some people say that success is "10 percent talent and 90 percent hard work". Is hard work the key to success, or is talent also important
It has been a remarkable question whether talent or hard-working is important. Many people are believe that genuis is essential. While, others believe vice versa. from my perspective, intelligence is the key factor for success.
7.5
band
In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people.
It is a fact that home is the best place for individuals to feel convenient. Doubtless, all people prefer to own a home rather than renting it. In this essay, the advantages and disadvantages of owning or renting a home will be elaborated from various aspects.
8.5
band
You want to join a local club or organization. Write a letter to the club secretary. In your letter: - Introduce yourself and explain why you are interested. - Ask about membership requirements. - Enquire about the next meeting or event.
I am writing to express my interest/willingness to become a member of your esteemed Firebolt club at Street no.1.
7
band
Some people say that economic growth is the only way to end hunger and poverty, while others say that economic growth is damaging the environment so it should be stopped. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
One of the main success points of a government is economic growth. Certain people think this is a way to dissolve the problems of hunger and poverty, while others think that it might damage the environment as a result. From my perspective, the benefits of economic growth are higher for some possible reasons than the impacts on the environment. This essay will elaborate on the reasons behind this.

In many countries today, if people want to find work, they have to move away from their friends and their families. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in.

Some people say that success is "10 percent talent and 90 percent hard work". Is hard work the key to success, or is talent also important

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people.

You want to join a local club or organization. Write a letter to the club secretary. In your letter: - Introduce yourself and explain why you are interested. - Ask about membership requirements. - Enquire about the next meeting or event.

Some people say that economic growth is the only way to end hunger and poverty, while others say that economic growth is damaging the environment so it should be stopped. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.