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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008

The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008
#show #uk #graduate #students #work #college
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The two charts illustrate the four destinations that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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UK graduates and postgraduate
students
Use synonyms
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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were engaged in after their
graduations
Fix the agreement mistake
graduation
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 in 2008, excluding full-time
work
Use synonyms
. Admittedly, substantial differences could be noticed among the figures of these four categories. In terms of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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UK graduates,
students
Use synonyms
 who devoted themselves to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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further
Linking Words
study
Use synonyms
 accounted for almost
one third
Add a hyphen
one-third
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 of the total, with 29665 in 2008, which constituted the dominant part.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the numbers of part-time
work
Use synonyms
 and unemployment, 17735 and 16235 respectively, were similar,
whereas
Linking Words
 the least were those doing
the
Correct article usage
apply
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voluntary
work
Use synonyms
, with only 3500
in
Change preposition
apply
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this
Linking Words
 year. As for the postgraduates, despite the fact that the data of
further
Linking Words
study
Use synonyms
 was still the largest one, with 2725 attributed to
this
Linking Words
 way, the number of
students
Use synonyms
 getting the part-time occupations was only approximately 200 smaller than that of
further
Linking Words
study
Use synonyms
, 2535 in 2008.
Likewise
Linking Words
, compared with those of UK graduates, the number of postgraduate
students
Use synonyms
 who were faced with unemployment and being volunteers occupied the minimal part (1625 and 345 respectively). To summarize, the majority of the graduate
students
Use synonyms
 chose to continue their
study
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 most of
postgraduate
Add an article
the postgraduate
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 preferred part-time
work
Use synonyms
 and
further
Linking Words
study
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by cathyielts22 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "further".
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words students, work, study with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "numbers of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Graduate
  • Postgraduate
  • Full-time work
  • Further education
  • Part-time work
  • Unemployment
  • Volunteering
  • Traveling
  • Gap year
  • Career progression
  • Job market
  • Transition
  • Academic life
  • Professional sphere
  • Economic factors
  • Social factors
  • Financial crisis
  • Long-term impact
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