The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008

The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008
The two charts illustrate the four destinations that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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UK graduates and postgraduate
students
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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were engaged in after their
graduations
Fix the agreement mistake
graduation
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in 2008, excluding full-time
work
. Admittedly, substantial differences could be noticed among the figures of these four categories. In terms of
the
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apply
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UK graduates,
students
who devoted themselves to
the
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apply
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further
study
accounted for almost
one third
Add a hyphen
one-third
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of the total, with 29665 in 2008, which constituted the dominant part.
Moreover
, the numbers of part-time
work
and unemployment, 17735 and 16235 respectively, were similar,
whereas
the least were those doing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
voluntary
work
, with only 3500
in
Change preposition
apply
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this
year. As for the postgraduates, despite the fact that the data of
further
study
was still the largest one, with 2725 attributed to
this
way, the number of
students
getting the part-time occupations was only approximately 200 smaller than that of
further
study
, 2535 in 2008.
Likewise
, compared with those of UK graduates, the number of postgraduate
students
who were faced with unemployment and being volunteers occupied the minimal part (1625 and 345 respectively). To summarize, the majority of the graduate
students
chose to continue their
study
,
while
most of
postgraduate
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the postgraduate
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students
preferred part-time
work
and
further
study
.
Submitted by cathyielts22 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "further".
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words students, work, study with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "numbers of" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Graduate
  • Postgraduate
  • Full-time work
  • Further education
  • Part-time work
  • Unemployment
  • Volunteering
  • Traveling
  • Gap year
  • Career progression
  • Job market
  • Transition
  • Academic life
  • Professional sphere
  • Economic factors
  • Social factors
  • Financial crisis
  • Long-term impact
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