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Band 6.5

The pie charts below show the propotions of visits to Ireland last year by age group, and by gender and type of visit. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie charts below show the propotions of visits to Ireland last year by age group, and by gender and type of visit. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #propotions #visits #ireland #year #age #group #gender #type #visit #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The two pie charts
illustrates
Change the verb form
illustrate
show examples
 the amount of tourists who visited Ireland
according to
 three different categories
such
 as
age
, gender and type of visit.
Overall
 it can be seen that the percentage of women and men who
spend
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
 their leisure time in Ireland
last
year
 was much more
thar
Correct your spelling
than
 business purposes. Examining the details, the first pie chart shows that
Irelant
Correct your spelling
Ireland
 was the most attractive destination for the 25-34 years olds and the 45-54
age
 group with 23%
last
year
.
This
 number was only 19% for the 35-44
age
 group and both
Correct your spelling
the 16-24
the16-24
Correct your spelling
the 16-24
 and the 66 years and over groups have
Correct article usage
a 9
show examples
9
Correct article usage
a 9
show examples
% share.
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 the 0-15 and the 55-65
age
 categories with 6% and 9% respectively were the least visitors
last
year
.
On the other hand
, the second pie chart demonstrates that
most
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
both men and women tended to visit
this
 country
for spending
Change preposition
to spend
show examples
 their leisure time by
approximatly
Correct your spelling
approximately
 40%
last
year
 and just around 13% of men came for
business
Add an article
a business
show examples
 visit
while
this
 rate was 4% for women.
Submitted by m.tavasoli18 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words age, year with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
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