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Writing Samples
Band 6

The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The bar charts compare the number of students working in 4 different types of destinations in terms of their educational background in the UK in 2008, with the exception of full-time
work
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 in 2008, most of the graduate and postgraduate students in the UK decided to pursue higher degrees,
while
Linking Words
 few of them chose to do voluntary
work
Use synonyms
. In the year 2008, 29665
people
Use synonyms
 who had completed their graduate degree went into
further
Linking Words
 study, followed by the graduates who chose to do part-time
work
Use synonyms
, with 17735
people
Use synonyms
, which is similar to that of the unemployment figure (16235
people
Use synonyms
). Voluntary
work
Use synonyms
 is the lowest option that graduates chose to do in that year, with only 3500
people
Use synonyms
. Regarding the career statistics of postgraduates, the number of postgraduates who went into
further
Linking Words
 study and who went into part-time
work
Use synonyms
 have similar amounts, with 2725 and 2535, respectively. That figure for unemployment was approximately half of them, at 1625
people
Use synonyms
.
Lastly
Linking Words
, the number of postgraduates who decided to do voluntary
work
Use synonyms
 was 345, which was still in the
last
Linking Words
 place among these four types.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "further".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words work, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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