IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The two pie charts below show the percentage of industry sectors contribution to the economy of Turkey in 2000 and 2016

The two pie charts below show the percentage of industry sectors contribution to the economy of Turkey in 2000 and 2016
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The two pie charts represent the rate of industry consumption
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the economy of Turkey in
years
Correct article usage
the years
show examples
 between 2000 and 2016 .
Overall
Linking Words
, at the beginning of the period agriculture
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
contributed the most significant
part
Use synonyms
 of the economy and construction was concentrated the least
part
Use synonyms
. In comparison
at the end
Linking Words
 of the period
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health care and education were made up the biggest
part
Use synonyms
 and finance
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
 and
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 were the least significant
part
Use synonyms
 of the economy. It is interesting to notice that construction was
3
Correct article usage
a 3
show examples
% contribution sector in 2000
then
Linking Words
 it had
slight
Correct article usage
a slight
show examples
 growth of 7% into thousand 2016.
moreover
Linking Words
, manufacturing was 8% in 2000 after that it
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
rose by 12% in 2016.
Linking Words
Furthermore
Add a comma
Furthermore,
show examples
 trade utilities and transportation where accounted for 14% in 2000
then
Linking Words
 it increased
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 2% in 2016.
As well as
Linking Words
 finance business and other where 5%
then
Linking Words
 experience upward trend by 3%. It
be
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 easily seen that agriculture was 24% of
contribution
Correct article usage
the contribution
show examples
 sector in 2000 , fill to 14% in 2016. In 2000, was 12%.
then
Linking Words
 it
has
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
slight
Correct article usage
a slight
show examples
 decrease
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 3% in 2016. leisure
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 17% in 2000 , declined to 14% in 2016.
In
Linking Words
contrast
Add a comma
contrast,
show examples
 healthcare and education
Correct your spelling
remained
remaned
Correct your spelling
remained
 stable in both years at 17%.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words part with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: