some people believe that visitors to other countries should follow local customs and behaviour. others disagree and think that the host contry should welcome cultural differences. discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
In the immigration epoch, people are choosing to travel around the world to get rest, to celebrate, and to relax.
Also
there is an ongoing debate on whether immigrants should obey Add a comma
Also,
the
certain local customs and behaviours or Correct article usage
apply
the
hosting country should welcome foreigners and their cultural diversification. Correct word choice
whether the
This
essay will discuss both sides and my opinion as to why I agree with both statements.
To begin
with, certain countries work hard at maintaining their heritage. Immigrants disrespecting their devotions would cause outrage. For example
, in Mongolia, people enshrine horses as
putting their photos somewhere in their Change preposition
by
house
and feeding them as horses have Fix the agreement mistake
houses
a
Change the article
an
honorable
stance in Mongolia because Change the spelling
honourable
in
Add the comma(s)
, in
12th
century, our empire, Chinggis Khan fought with other countries hundreds of Change the article
the 12th
time
with his horse, succeeded, and built up Fix the agreement mistake
times
current
locality of Mongolia. If visitors harm grazing horses, Mongolians will be extremely reluctant to Add an article
the current
disrespecting
their devotions.
Wrong verb form
disrespect
On the other hand
, all nations have various religious viewpoints, and mostly
Correct your spelling
most
the
customs Correct article usage
apply
also
based on their religious circle. Add a missing verb
are also
For example
, if visitors visit the
mosque in the heart of Turkey, they must wear something to hide their hair or head to obey the environmental and religious rules. If immigrants disobey the rules, Correct article usage
a
local
will Fix the agreement mistake
locals
Add a missing verb
be outrage
outrage
and will change their viewpoints to see the foreigners.
Replace the word
outraged
To sum up
, I agree with both views as
respect Change preposition
with
other
countries' religious devotions and cultural differences.Change preposition
to other
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Task Response
You've done a good job of discussing both sides of the argument, providing clear examples and demonstrating an understanding of the topic. However, it's important to ensure your conclusion clearly articulates your own opinion, making it distinct from the discussion of others' views.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay shows good cohesion and coherence with a logical flow of ideas. To further improve, consider varying your sentence structures and linking words to enhance readability.
Examples and Support
Your essay effectively provides examples to support your points, such as the cultural significance of horses in Mongolia and dress codes in Turkish mosques.
Structure
You have a clear introduction and conclusion which helps frame your discussion and summarize your viewpoint effectively.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite